Thinking aloud

Empty Nest Syndrome

2011-09-01T20:49:00.002+08:00

When my kids were smaller - baby and toddler age - there were times when I felt I needed some alone time. That they were not independent enough and needed constant attention got to me a bit. I remember my first holiday away from the family felt really good. To be able to do what I wanted when I wanted was such a luxury. Now my kids are older. Not quite old enough to move out but old enough to keep themselves occupied, wash and change themselves and not quite needing so much attention anymore. While it's good that they're learning to be independent, this I feel is the stage when everything can go horribly wrong when they hit teenage years. It's so easy to take things for granted. Time will pass and before we know it, the generation gap grows wider and wider. Just a short time ago, mama and papa knew everything. My son had even asked me once how is it I seem to know everything. Now they know papa and mama don't have all the answers. Soon, there will be a time when they think papa and mama don't know anything!

Not so long ago, my kids used to ask me to play with them. Setting up the cake studio has taken a lot of time from them, or when we're together, I feel too tired to do much. Or I'm trying to keep up with work at home. Tonight, they've decided to follow my sis-in-law home for a sleepover so they can play with their cousins. I'm really missing them now. All alone at home and not quite knowing what to do with myself! Horrors!

Lately, I've felt we haven't had much quality family time together. There isn't anything other than watch movies at home together. That is such a passive past time though. I've offered to take kids to the park in the mornings but they're not really interested anymore. Oh dear oh dear... I really hope I won't be singing to myself "Slipping Through My Fingers" by Abba with a tinge of regret when my kids are all grown up.

Nowhere to turn to

2011-06-20T04:09:00.001+08:00

My head feels like an overstuffed luggage bag. Everything is ever needed is inside but because it's stuffed so full, I have trouble looking for things. I have ideas, matters I need to attend to, cake ideas, biz ideas, tasks to be done, mixed emotions, errands to run.... everything is stuffed inside and nowhere to go. I am not the most organized person which is unfortunate. I do try very hard to be organized but... Sometimes my head feels a blur and I feel I do not have anywhere to turn to. Asking for advice just makes me more confused. People almost never listen first before dishing out advice. Sometimes I'm afraid to say something for fear of having my words thrown back at me.

I'm just rambling now... Trying to put some words down so my mind is less cluttered. Help... I wish I can just create. Leave me to create. I want to play, to challenge my mind. Sometimes I feel my life is spiralling out of control and it's scaring me...

Time to stop rambling and go to bed.

Trouble sleeping

2011-06-20T03:52:00.000+08:00

I've been having trouble sleeping lately. I do feel tired but just can't seems to fall asleep or sleep soundly. As soon as there is any idle time, my mind goes to overdrive thinking what lies ahead of the week, what orders there are and what needs to be done. This is very different from a few years ago. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

This is one of those nights I have trouble sleeping. At times like this, I blog in my head. Tonight, I'd decided to get up and put this down.

Business has been going well. I've been pretty busy but resenting time away from the family. My children are growing up way too fast. I can't help thinking they're growing up without me too. I'm going through some kind of funk again. Is it possible to go through mid-life crisis twice in a lifetime? Within the time span of a few years? Sometimes, I long for the days when Laura and Adam were babies. If I can turn back time, I'll hold them and cuddle them more. I will have them close to me all the time, wear them wherever I go. If I can turn back time, I want to be able to be there with Adam's first foods and be more of an influence in his eating habits. Abba's song "Slipping Through My Fingers" constantly plays in my head. Fortunately, my children are still young and I have the opportunity to spend time with them. Unfortunately, running a young business means a lot of time away from them. I do not want to look back through this phase in my life with regrets. It's so tough being a mama and running a biz. *sigh* Am I sacrificing their my time with them in the present for their future? Sometimes I also feel disconnected from my family. It is a very scary feeling.

Some time to spare...

2011-05-17T19:18:00.000+08:00

We've just spent a lovely but tiring day with my brother and his family at Templer's Park. Instead of going back to the place we stopped at the last time, we thought we'll hike up to the waterfall. The last time I was at this waterfall was when I was 15 or 16, with the Girl Guides and Boy Scouts from my school. We met up near school, took a Bas Mini (mini bus whose drivers drive like bats out of hell) into the city centre before changing bus to Templer's Park. The trail going up to the waterfall was not familiar at all but once we were at the falls, memories from the trips come flooding back.

My kids and niece and nephew experienced leeches for the first time today. When we used to hike up, I remember us preparing ourselves with leech socks and those who didn't have leech socks wore slippers so we can spot the leeches early, before they suck our blood. Armed ourselves with salt and cigarettes. I know about the salt but cigarettes. The boys' reasoning quite dodgey lah. We didn't encounter that many leeches and they seem to be smaller than what I remember. We used what we had available to get rid of the leeches. This is when the take-away packs of chili sauce from fast food outlets come in handy! Those leeches fell off quickly!

The waterfall looks as good I remember. Can't say the same about the surroundings though. Upkeep of the place can certainly be improved. Styrofoam plates, empty cans and loads of rubbish. They were clustered around in one area, yes, but still unsightly. I do wonder if anyone actually goes up there to clean the place. We tried to be conscientious and brought down our rubbish to throw away. As soon as the rubbish hit the garbage can, the monkeys were down to rummage through.

We hiked up 2.5km to the waterfall and 2.5km back down. Kids were real troopers. They didn't complain a single bit and thoroughly enjoyed themselves. My feet are quite sore from walking on the stones on the river bed. How I wish I had a pair of TEVA sandals then! My Birkies are not made for rough terrains for sure. Birkies are better than Crocs any day ok!

We're now back at home. Kids are watching stupid tween/teen shows on Nickleodeon *roll eyes*. I will never be able to understand the screaming and stupidity on the shows like iCarly and Big Time Rush. All adults on these shows are idiots and stupidity seems to be in. Ugh!

Time to get going for Harith Iskander and Douglas Lim show! I love those guys but honestly, I'll love to stay home çoz I'm knackered...

Fun with family being back to nature

2011-04-10T12:56:00.003+08:00

There's something uplifting about being close to nature. To be away from perfectly levelled surfaces to being surrounded by trees and playing in the stream.

Slave driver in the background...

Little beavers busy building a dam

Uh oh, mutiny?

My slipper broke on the hike down the hill. Made a mental note not to buy anymore RM10 slippers *sigh*

Where shall we go to next? =)

Happy 2011

2011-01-01T20:30:00.002+08:00

I have lost count of the number of times I've blogged in my head. By the time I sit at my laptop, I've forgotten what I wanted to blog about. My memory has been like a sieve lately. It's terrible!

For some reason, on the first day of 2011, I have this strong urge to voice out my gratitude. To be thankful for all that I have received and to people whom I know and love.

I am thankful to have my family, for having a partner who has encouraged me to grow. He has encouraged me to reach for the stars and still keep my feet on the ground. I am thankful for the unconditional love my children shower on me, and the endless cuddles I get.

I am thankful for my brothers and lovely sisters-in-law. Our relationship has improved over the years and I love watching my nice, nephews and kids playing together.

I am thankful for extended family members whom I married into even though it means being a step-grandmother before turning 40 :)

I am thankful to have like-minded friends who are always encouraging each other in a competitive business.

I am thankful for having a hard-working assistant who is so eager to learn.

I am thankful for close friends who are like family.

I am thankful for having a personal trainer who believes in me and is continuing to train me.

I have everything a woman can ask for! What a fab way to start 2011!

Adam's 7th birthday

2010-06-17T01:27:00.004+08:00

Today we celebrated Adam's 7th birthday with a pool party. This is the first time we have separated the birthdays celebration. Laura's was at Mama Min Studio where she got to decorate cupcakes with her friends. Adam's was with his friends (all boys). Lots of play and play and play!

Laura's 10th birthday

2010-06-16T23:39:00.005+08:00

I first started blogging almost exactly 5 years ago. My little girl had just turned 5. A few days ago, Laura celebrated her 10th birthday! This time around, Laura wanted to celebrate her birthday at Mama Min Studio.

Update 18 Jan 2010

2010-01-18T21:17:00.005+08:00

Since Facebook and Twitter, updating this blog is like repeating myself. That or when I have something to say, I'm not at the pc and when I'm at the pc, it's mostly been work.

I took a 2-month break from cakes. That doesn't mean I've been shaking legs and not doing much. Far from it! We moved from Landslideville aka Bukit Antarabangsa last month. I don't remember moving house being so stressful! If I can help it, I'm never moving again. We're back in PJ! Having been brought up in PJ and lived in PJ most of my life, I do miss PJ. There's always good energy and life here. I thought I'll miss the insect sound and the quiet of BA but I was wrong. It is pretty quiet here except for the occasional neighbour talking on the phone on top of their voice or sound of a band playing until 8 in the morning! No, sounds worse than it actually is. We have an awesome view from our garden. I love it here! :)

Last Saturday, a special wedding cake for bi-plane enthusiasts were to be delivered to PD. PT suggested bringing the kids along for a drive. It was a beautiful day. Even though we got in almost 6pm, it was still bright enough for the kids to play by the beach. I love this shot of the wedding cake, taken at dusk.

PT watching the kids play

What are Laura and Adam making? Scroll down....

Can't make snowman, make sandman! :D

It was a pleasant drive there and back but PD sure ain't known for food. The wedding was at The Avillion. We decided to have dinner there before heading home. PT and I were there a few months ago for a short break. The last time we were there, we didn't know what to eat when looking at the menu. It was the same this time. Took a long time to decide and when the food came... frankly, it was.... best eaten when really hungry.

The next day (Sunday), I was up at 6am to get a cake done for collection that afternoon. I miss creating so much, I worked 15 hours with short breaks for meals and toilet! I wouldn't exactly call it work though. It's something I enjoy doing so much, it felt more like play.

After working on cakes which were collected or to be collected, I wanted to try making tigers since it's going to be year of the tiger soon.

First one looked too forlorn. Second one was better but I'd obviously not added enough CMC (additive to make sugarpaste more pliable). The 2nd tiger became fatter and fatter and sank back. The third one was the best. I like cute face :)

I love to play!

Li-anne's 1st birthday

2009-10-27T00:58:00.005+08:00

My step-granddaughter, Li-anne, recently celebrated her 1st birthday. In my opinion, she is the cutest baby in the whole wide world and I'm totally biased! I made Li-anne a special Princess Castle birthday cake.

My daughter, Laura, helped with decorating the cake. Laura had some good ideas with the placement of hearts on the steps leading up to the door as well as how to place the flowers and such.

Figurine of baby Li-anne on the cake.

Last weekend was totally crazy but filled with lots of laughter. So much I want to say but just do not know where to begin....

Nightmare

2009-10-12T07:55:00.003+08:00

I found out one of my cousins were opening a bakery so I asked her about it. An aunt of ours were also involved. Since it's family, it makes sense for me to be part of it. And so I dove myself into it, supervised the renovation, set up the place and finally it was opened. I trained two members of staff who would be doing the cake decorating.

The shop was opened with much anticipation. Good friends and family members attended the shop opening. Two doors away was a smaller bakery who asked for my advice from time to time.

After the shop opening, something felt different. I didn't feel welcome in the shop anymore. There was some whispering amongst the staff of the smaller bakery. They stopped every time I approached. What was going on?

Things came to a head when my aunt actually said "I'd never asked you to be involved, you know? You barged your way in and I didn't have the heart to tell you No" My world collapsed then. I had put my heart and soul into the place and it was going well. I had assumed to be included because I was family! My dream has just been shattered into a million pieces. As many pieces as my heart. So I packed my stuff to leave a biz I wasn't meant to be involved in. As I was packing, the decorator I trained came over to ask about making some seashells to be used for a sea themed cake. He noticed that if he used the existing mould to make the shells, he will not be able to get a pair of shells that fit. He needed to know what to do, especially when the customer was paying RM2,000 for the cake which isn't going to be a single-tier cake only. That's a freaking lot of money for a cake that size!! And this decorator whom my aunt will be retaining and not me is not experienced enough to handle something like that. I felt so dejected...

As I was walking pass the smaller bakery, I noticed something familiar. A big jar of sugar with vanilla pod inside. Looks like my jar, only the sugar was about to finish. This small bakery had nicked my jar and used up the sugar. I was livid! Gave the owner and her staff a piece of my mind.

"I have always given my all. Any time you needed guidance on cake decorating I've been most generous. Whatever knowledge I have, I'm imparted without holding back and this is what I get back?"

I couldn't hold it in anymore. I started to cry... Then I felt my pillow getting wet. Wait a minute! It's all a nightmare! OMG, it was so real I'd cried in my sleep!

Wakes & Funerals

2009-08-09T23:10:00.004+08:00

I've just come back from my cousin's wake. He passed away after a brief illness. This is a cousin on my mother's side whom I've not seen for more than 20 years. Not since I grew up and my mother made less visits to her hometown in Teluk Intan. It is unfortunate that we didn't get to know each other better before my cousin passed on.

A few months ago, my uncle (my mother's brother) passed away. No, we did not keep in touch much as well.

My cousin's wake was simple, mostly attended by friends from church. My uncle's was similar. The similarity with both was, the memorial service was conducted by church friends and pastors. We had to listen to long sermons about how they have gone to be with Christ, how God sacrificed his son for our sins and resurrection. I felt really sad and cross. What happened to remembering the deceased? What about recollecting the happy moments shared and the little things that remind us of him/her? What about things that exasperated us about them? It got me thinking of my own funeral. If I had a say in it, this is what I'll like my funeral to be.

Friends and family gathering to remember me for who I am. What I'm made of. Remember me for what we've done together, times we've spent and what made you laugh, cry and angry with me. I will expect to hear my friend, Audrey, talk about the time I drove her down to Seremban in my father's rickety Mazda Capella to catch her train back to Singapore 'coz we lost track of time. I will expect Mag, Stephanie, Tina, Ooi Pheng, Soo Ken to remember the times we were at the ice-cream parlour near KDU on Wednesdays 'coz they had a "Buy 1 get 1 free" promo for sundaes. Chwee Peng to remember the good and bad times we've shared together. Lia to talk about the sms marathon we have with each other. My children to say that I was a good mom, even though never a perfect mom. PT to remember how he loved me and that he was loved and how I used to exasperate him with my being a headless chicken sometimes. Remember me for my life and not for my death. Have a drink, bring your own fave and I'm sure ice and mixes will be provided. Have a whiskey & soda on me, that being my fave alcoholic drink. Have free flow of my fave ice kacang from my fave stall 雪花飞 in Glutton Square, SS2. For once in my life, I'll like everything to be about me please! :-P

Dengue - Hospital Day 6

2009-07-12T08:32:00.002+08:00

Hospital Day 6

Laura’s platelet count is going up! Even though her platelet count was low on Day 5, she got back a bit of her appetite. She was eating better and drinking more. Sounds like PT and Laura had a good day together too. It’s good to hear my little girl giggling and joking again. Her paed said she may be discharged tomorrow which is wonderful news!

Dengue - Hospital Day 5

2009-07-12T07:51:00.001+08:00

Hospital Day 5

Platelet count has taken another dip. Aiyo! Tried giving Laura the papaya leaves juice remedy a 2nd time without any honey. Ended up having to get the beddings changed. Nothing went into her. Alright, scrap that! Then we hear from friends that coconut water does the trick as well. PT brought some young coconuts yesterday. More palatable, so we’ll try that. Laura likes coconut water so maybe she’ll drink some. She hasn’t had any appetite, have to be forced to drink. The more she drink and get hydrated, the faster her platelet count will go up. She’s been very tired and listless since last weekend. Our heart ached to see our usual chirpy little girl being so quiet.

I’d gone back to decorate cakes. Adam was very happy to see me at home. In between his Wii games, he came to give me cuddles and kisses. PT stayed with Laura tonight. Sleep in my own bed! Nice…

Finished with cakes, patted myself on the back and hope the customers will be as pleased with the cakes as I was and went to bed. Ahh… I really like my own bed. Adam stirred, opened his eyes. “Mama!” and I got the tightest cuddle ever! Still with his arms around my neck, he fell asleep again.

Dengue - Hospital Day 4

2009-07-12T07:03:00.001+08:00

Hospital Day 4

There never seems to be enough time to do all I want to accomplish in a day. I’m probably just tired. Not getting enough sleep. Today was baking day, baking a couple of cakes to be decorated tomorrow. PT was at the hospital to be with Laura so I can go home to bake. First to collect a couple of dolls needed for cake orders.

I called up Toys R Us a couple of days ago to find out where I could find two dolls I needed. The customer service person, Kala, called me back the next day. She apologized she couldn’t call me the same day as they were checking stock throughout the Toys R Us in the country. She found the dolls I was looking for at Toys R Us in 1 Utama. Been a long time since I’ve experienced good customer service and I am impressed. My friend, Lia picked up the dolls for me. Just in case they sell out or something. I didn’t want to take a chance!

Driving back from Lia’s, I was running through my head what I needed to do. Suddenly I was stopped at a road block for speeding! WTF. I don’t need this! The police asked if I knew I was over the speed limit. “Oo… errr… I was?” The police then asked me “So, how now?” My reply: “If I’d done something wrong then I should be issued a summon.” Then I added “Oh gosh, my daughter is in hospital with dengue fever. I need to go see her” Sounding a little exasperated on purpose. Ok, buying time, trying my luck but I was telling the truth! I was prepared to get that summon anyway. Pause, the police looked at me, looked in the car and then he said “Ok, you can go”. I was like “Huh? Go? Go where?” The police said “Boleh pergi. Kamu sudah susah, tak mahu tambah susah” (You can go. You have enough to worry about – something like dat lah)

Earlier, picking up something from a McDonald’s Drive-thru, I’d forgotten to place order drove up straight to the cashier window. Yup, distracted again. I apologized to the cashier that I forgot to order. She told me I’ll have to go back into the queue. Then she took one look at me, asked me what I wanted. Then she told me she’ll make an exception this time and I got my order without having to get back in the queue!

Hmm… I must have looked really tired.

Dengue - Hospital Day 3

2009-07-09T22:04:00.000+08:00

Hospital Day 3

With the plugs up her nose, Laura breathes through her mouth which causes her to snore. She doesn’t sleep very well, tossing and turning throughout the night. Every time she opened her eyes, I gave her something to drink so her mouth won’t be dry. Man, can she snore! The difference between a paediatric ward and a regular ward is, the nurses are very gentle and considerate. They were in and out regularly in the night to check Laura’s temperature and also to check her blood pressure a couple of times in the night. We have slept through most of the time.

Every morning, a nurse comes in to take some blood samples for testing. Laura’s fever was still high, hovering between 38 and 39 C throughout the night. According to the paed, that’s unusual as it’s already Day 5. He suspects she may have developed a secondary infection, possibly due to the plugs up her nose. He called for blood tests to check for infection as well as prescribed a course of antibiotics.

PT comes in to spend some time with Laura in the day, which is nice. We get to chat a bit. Something we’ve not had much chance to do with him being in Singapore a lot these past year and a half. When PT comes over, I get to go home to spend some time with Adam. It was good being home to be with Adam. We had dinner together and played a Wii game together. Then some cuddle time before he slept. Sometimes, when one child is ill in hospital, it’s so easy to neglect the other child/ren. Adam has been wonderful though. Very concerned about his sister. Wanted me to ask when his Ci Ci can be home and if she’ll be ok. He heard the public announcement on our local radio about a father losing his daughter to dengue. I think that scared him, thinking that he may lose his Ci Ci to dengue. PT had a chat with him to assure him that Laura will be ok.

Early yesterday morning was Michael Jackson’s memorial in LA. I was too tired to stay up but got up in time to see Shaheen Jafargholi sing. I enjoyed the messages that went back and forth on Facebook but the memorial itself was too OTT for my liking. I wondered how many people were there for their time on TV or for remembering MJ? We’ll never know. I liked some of MJ’s songs and I think he was very talented. He was definitely a showman. He was very messed up too. Thank you for the music, MJ but I hope the media let you rest now.

Dengue - Hospital Day 2

2009-07-09T21:40:00.001+08:00

Hospital Day 2

The symptoms Laura had were high fever, lethargy, nausea and tummy ache. She could not keep much food or liquid down.

Day 2 continued with being on the drip and forcing her to eat and drink. Her blood platelet count dropped to 120+ from 160+ from the day before. She was still complaining of stomachache, so couldn’t eat much. What she ate, drank, if she peed or pooped or threw up had to be recorded. Being hydrated enough was important for her body to fight the fever.

Poor girl did not sleep well with the plug up her nose. She woke up frequently complaining of stomachache, then she went back to sleep.

Several people had recommended a remedy made with papaya leaves. Pound two papaya leaves into pulp and squeeze out the juice. Drink the juice which will help increase the blood platelet level. We are ready to try anything. Papaya is edible, so the leaves should be ok too. A friend whose son had recently recovered from dengue was given the papaya leaves juice remedy too. She recommended adding honey so the juice is more palatable as the juice is extremely bitter. Laura drank down the 2 tablespoons given to her.

The nose plug had to be left on for another night. We didn’t have a choice. Her fever hovered between 38 and 39 C even though she was given paracetamol.

Another restless night but we were more rested. The first night we shared with another little boy who had his tonsils removed in a 4-bedded ward. He must have felt very uncomfortable as he was crying a lot that day. There wasn’t much space in between the beds. Fortunately, only 2 of the beds were occupied.

The nurse call alarm was right outside the room door. Most of the time the door to the room was opened, so every time someone alerted the nurses, the alarm sounded. When the door was opened, the alarm was extremely loud and annoying!

Carer can rent a lazy chair for RM5 a night for sleeping. I have not slept on a lazy chair for a looooooong time. Even so, I had previously slept on one for naps only. Different when sleeping on one for the night! The air con in the room could not be controlled as well as we were sharing with someone else. Man, it was one uncomfortable night.

Yesterday, the hospital didn’t have any single-bedded rooms to spare. There was one today, so we moved. Thank goodness for insurance! What a difference! We had the whole room to ourselves. Felt a bit decadent really. We have a tv with a beat-up remote control held together with sticky tapes. Fortunately, the room is very quiet. We can see Jalan Ampang from our window.
Laura was upbeat and cheerful earlier in the day but by evening, she was feeling lethargic and feverish again. At least she wasn’t complaining of tummy ache and could eat and drink more. We had a better night sleep than the first night.

Dengue - Hospital Day 1

2009-07-09T21:08:00.003+08:00

Hospital Day 1 (6 July 2009)

I took Laura to see the paediatrician this morning as she had high fever in the weekend. H1N1 was ruled out as she didn’t have flu-like symptoms. She had high fever and was feeling lethargic which usually comes with high fever. Volren suppository brought the fever down. The paed took a look at Laura and asked for a dengue blood test to be done. He called this afternoon to confirm she had dengue and will need to be hospitalized.

Before leaving for the hospital, Laura had nose bleed. It’s the norm with her as she tends to get nose bleed quite often. Her paed had explained that thinner skin in the nose with some children make them prone to getting nose bleed. I paraphrase as I can’t remember the exact term used.

Being unwell and tired, Laura was not her usual trooper self. Two years ago, Laura fell during sports practice. The fall broke her elbow bone. She was very brave throughout the process of getting her elbow fixed and when taking out the pin that was holding the elbow whilst it healed. The orthopedic surgeon and his nurses were most impressed with her. This time around, she wasn’t quite as brave. I understand as she must be so scared, not knowing what’s happening to her as well as feeling tired and sickly. Her paed has been very good and understanding.

In the evening her nose bled again. The nurses came in to get the bleeding to stop. One nurse whom I could see genuinely likes children, managed to stop the bleeding and there was reprise for about an hour. Then her nose bled again. This time, another nurse was around. I must say she pinched Laura’s nose pretty hard. I felt so sorry for my little girl. Her paed came in to see her. He decided it was something he’ll need to refer to an ENT doctor. The ENT doctor was to come by in an hour to see Laura. Something about a plug for the nose was mentioned.

Poor Laura was so tired. She’s been good the whole day. By the evening, she was feeling better, got her appetite back and was feeling in good spirit. We decided to wash up and get some sleep even though the ENT doctor was expected. Soon after falling asleep, the ENT doctor came by and our ordeal began!

My poor baby was woken up from her sleep, surrounded by strangers and the ENT doctor wanted to start what he planning to do straight away. My poor daughter was traumatized. Even though it’s the paediatric ward, the nurses who were attending with the ENT doctor didn’t have a clue how to deal with children. The ENT doctor offered Laura an ice cream after the procedure. Laura was not interested in the ice cream at all. PT and I have always involved our children by explaining to them what’s to be done so they’re not afraid if they need an injection or needed to take yucky tasting medicine that will help make them better. The ENT doctor and nursing staff did not take that into consideration. It was very obvious that the ENT doctor isn’t very patient with children and do not take the time to make a child comfortable before doing what he needed to do. The nurses were ever ready to hold my child down for the ENT doctor to force what he needed to do. I shouted and put my foot down. Asked for a minute to explain to Laura what needed to be done. Poor girl was so scared. Wouldn’t you be if you were waken up from sleep, be surrounded by strangers who were holding up syringes, unknown liquids and such? I would! I knew he wanted to insert something up Laura’s nose, which will act like a sponge to stop the bleeding. I tried to explain that to Laura as calmly as I could. The whole time I glanced at the ENT doctor who showed his impatience. Obviously he didn’t believe in explaining to children. She resisted but at least she calmed down. Even though she still protested when the ENT doctor flushed out her nostrils with the liquid (which I didn’t have a chance to see what it was), applied a thick coating of gel up her nostril and then inserted a plug, she had stopped screaming or resisting. Only after the ordeal did he explain that the plug was necessary to prevent more nose bleed. As Laura’s platelet count go down, the natural ability for the blood to clot will go down as well. Since Laura is prone to nose bleed, that can pose a problem as she’ll be getting nose bleed more. Now if the ENT doctor had explained that first when he first got into the room, he could have gotten all that he needed to do without traumatizing a 9-year-old intelligent little girl and her mom! In probably less time too!

Laura is asleep now. Trying her best to be comfortable. That is tough to do as she needs to breath through her mouth with the plug up her nose. I can’t look at her sleeping without breaking into tears. Looking at my daughter with two plugs up her nose brings back horrible memories. The last time I saw someone with plugs up his nose was at my father’s funeral. That was after he was gone. I can’t do it. I can’t look at my daughter without crying. I’m glad she’s asleep so she won’t see me cry.

Big Family Trip 2009 - Pulau Pemanggil Part 3

2009-06-09T13:29:00.004+08:00

We were informed earlier that our ferry will be picking us up at 7am to go back to Mersing. However, during dinner we were told that the ferry will be coming from Pulau Tioman and will be at resort at 6am. That was ridiculously early but I remember what I was told about having to catch the tide. At 4.50am, we were all waken up by loud blaring of horn from the sea. The ferry was here! WTF!

We got ready quickly to board the ferry. Everyone had gone to bed really late and were forced to wake up early. I let Laura and Adam sleep while Dita and I got ready our things. Woke them up only when we were ready to go down to the boat. They fell quickly asleep again in the boat. We finally left the island at 6.15am.

RinZen asleep in the ferry.

Laura and Adam were next to me. They both rested their head on my lap and slept through the 1 1/2 hour boat ride to Mersing. Most people slept on the boat after having waken up at such a ridiculous hour.

I looked around the inside of the ferry to chart the escape route. I can't help my paranoia having read news about ferry disasters over the years. The ferry took only what was allowed and was not overcrowded. That was reassuring. I noticed that the life jackets were still in their original packing. Will we be able get to them in an emergency?

Breakfast was packed by the resort operator for us to have breakfast in Mersing. We were told that we'll have a picnic by the sea. That sounds really wonderful until we got to the place. We were at a public park area with food stalls which were not yet open that time of the morning. There were rubbish strewn everywhere. The beach was littered with rubbish as far as the eyes can see. So sad that visitors to the islands leave with a negative image of the area. Mersing is a disorganized, messy little town. Ironically, it is also the gateway to all the beautiful islands of Pulau Tioman, Pulau Rawa, Pulau Aur and Pulau Dayang. If the authorities and people cannot keep Mersing clean, how can they be expected to keep the islands clean? How much environmental damage and degradation can the islands take before all the corals are dead and gone? People still endure the discomfort and sorry sight to get to the jewels in the sea. For how long?

It is so wonderful to be children. The grown ups noticed the litter and unkempt state of the place. Kids saw only the potential and the fun.

The bus ride back to KL took a long time. Night time was more manageable as kids were asleep, so less stops for toilet. Travelling back to KL in the day, we made several toilet stops along the highway. First stop was for lunch, which was less than 2 hours after a nasi lemak breakfast. It was ridiculous really but we had to because after that, it was stopping along the highway at one of the rest stops. The prospect of letting loose 40 pax at a highway rest stop for lunch and then trying to get everyone to board the bus again was toooo stressful. We had a light lunch and was off again. The restaurant where we stopped were quite disappointed that we didn't order seafood for our lunch, choosing instead to have noodles. Family members heading back to Singapore arrived home before 1pm. We got back to Tim and Vivian's place in Subang Jaya almost 5pm.

Kids and I had dinner at a restaurant called Splendid in Jusco AU2. The place looks like a Secret Recipe wannabe. Food was ok lah. Service was good. I just wanted to go home and rest but kids and helper had to be fed.

What did I learn from this trip?

Do not organize a trip without first visiting it. We didn't get to spend much time with the Higher Authorities as we were out to the beaches while they stayed back at the resort.

Ferries ply the island route several times a day but we had to board ferries at ungodly hours because Pulau Pemanggil, Pulau Aur and Pulau Dayang do not have high tourist traffic. So the ferry operators "force" the island resort operators to take low traffic times which means really early in the morning. We were told it was to catch the tide but I noticed that we left Pulau Pemanggil at the low tide. Now it's all clear why divers and avid anglers choose to charter boats to get to the islands.

The Malaysian Tourism Promotion Board does jack shit for Cuti-Cuti Malaysia judging from the sorry excuse of a port for Mersing. The place was unkempt, cramped and had no facilities. Only one toilet cubicle for Gents and one for Ladies. Most visitors would have travelled from out of town to get to Mersing to go to the islands. We obviously needed to use the toilet. If any one of the toilets were blocked, we would have been screwed!!

Island dwellers and chalet operators know shit about preservation and recycling. They throw things into the sea without a second thought. Visitors see that the island is already dirty, do not think twice about littering the beaches and the sea too. Places like Mauritius have strict regulations, including allowing only environmentally-friendly sunblocks and suntanning lotions. I will be happy just to see the islands treated with more respect. Doesn't take much to clean up the beaches and keep them clean!

I want to visit the islands again but thinking of the long journey and the discomfort of being in Mersing puts me off. Maybe if I have short term memory like most Malaysians do, I'll go again. Organize another big group there? No way!!

Big Family Trip 2009 - Pulau Pemanggil Part 2

2009-06-09T02:53:00.007+08:00

During the briefing on the first day, we were told that breakfast will be served at 7.45am. Not quite a relaxing holiday is it? Holiday usually meant sleeping in and eating at whatever time we felt like it. Ok ok, most hotels closes their breakfast counter at 10.00am. The kids were too excited to sleep late anyway. We were given the option of going island hopping or staying in to play indoor games. I believe telematch could have been arranged but we didn't feel like trekking across the rock to the rubbish-strewn beach. Dean was ok with arranging for a speed boat to take us to a nearby beach on another part of the island. 20 of us (a few Higher Authorities, adults and children) opted for that option. 15 pax (adults and children) opted for island hopping. A few of the Higher Authorities stayed back to play mahjong.

Along the beach were abandoned kampung houses and chalets. Dean showed us where lunch was to be brought to us. Loo Keat and I followed him through path which had mango trees on our left and right. There was also a ciku tree and jambu trees. Since nobody occupied those houses anymore, we could help ourselves to the mangoes. They were delicious!

This was the view from the jetty:

Large schools of fish swam near the jetty. Crabs hung on to the side of the jetty. We could see live corals in the sea. Adam and I snorkelled around for a long time. The sea was calm and deep enough to snorkel but safe enough without a sudden drop off point. There were lots of dead corals but also lots of live ones. I felt quite sad that these corals may not be there anymore in a few years due to pollution and release of sludge by tankers. We managed to see many types of fishes including some clown fish swimming in and out of anemone. So beautiful!

The view from the jetty was quite amazing too. We even saw turtles! Our group saw 4 turtles (I saw only 2 'coz 2 swam by as I walked away!)

My sister-in-law, Sasha, with Jayden who also swam about in the sea.

We were having some problems with the water supply at the resort that day. So the instruction was to bathe before getting back. That meant standing fully clothed to mandi. I washed my hair on the jetty! Several times, "Survivor" came to mind. We expected to be picked up at 4.00pm but were picked up at 6.00pm instead. When we got back, Dean told us his boat broke down on the way back.

My camera battery went flat at dinner time. Must get some photos taken by my cousins!

~ to be continued ~

Big Family Trip 2009 - Pulau Pemanggil Part 1

2009-06-09T01:09:00.008+08:00

When organizing the Big Family Reunion, the criterias I have in mind for a place are:

1. can accommodate 60 and above pax of Big Family members.

2. has a place for the Big Family members to gather to chat and have fun.

3. is accessible to the Higher Authorities who are made up of our parents, aunts and uncles (my father's siblings and their spouse).

4. is within our budget which is not much for such a big group.

5. if possible, by the sea. My cousins, brothers and I used to spend one week every year end school holidays in Penang where we had the most glorious and fun time.

Not many places can fulfill all these requirement. A few months ago, when I was at my dentist's clinic, I chanced upon a brochure for Lanting Beach Resort in Pulau Pemanggil. P Pemanggil is off Mersing on the way to Pulau Aur/Dayang where PT and I spent a couple of memorable holidays basking in the sun and swimming in the coral filled sea. I checked with a couple of BNI members who have been to the resort (one even has his photo on the brochure). So I got in touch with Dean who is the proprietor of the resort to discuss booking a family reunion at the resort. Dean assured me that the Higher Authorities will be able to access the rooms, I know the sea around the area is beautiful, the place can accommodate 120 pax and it has a huge dining hall where everyone can gather. Best of all, it was within our budget. Viola! We have a place for our Big Family Trip 2009!

Our journey started at night on Friday, 5 June. The drive to Mersing is very long. We were told to get to Mersing before 5.00am to board the catamaran at high tide. To save anyone from driving, or try to keep up and keep together and have the fun begin as soon as we depart for the island, a bus was chartered for our trip. The KL side filled up a 40-seater bus. The Singapore side went to Mersing on an 11-seater van. We were instructed to arrive at the Mersing port by 4.30am to board a catamaran to P Pemanggil. We got into Mersing port by 3.45am and were the first to get there.

We waited for the contact from the resort to arrive so he can sort out our boarding pass. After the Seagull Express incident, the port authorities has become strict with checking that ferries do not exceed the allowed number of passengers. I was relieved to hear that as I really do not want any danger to befall my family members. Unfortunately, our contact did not inform us sufficiently what to expect. The Higher Authorities were getting anxious as more and more people arrive at the port. BTW, the port has only one toilet cubicle each for Ladies and Gents. That will be another post rant.

At 6.15am, we finally boarded the ferry (which was told to be catamaran earlier) to get to P Pemanggil. All of us have been travelling in a bus for hours, waited for hours at the port and now sitting inside a rocking boat. We couldn't use the upstairs which was open air because that section was closed. Everyone was very excited to get to the resort but they also suffered from motion sickness. Mad scramble for plastic bags and sounds of retching later, we arrived at the resort.

The sea around the resort was breathtaking but when I saw the resort from the jetty, my heart sank. The resort did not have a beach. The beach was separated by huge rocks and the rooms were set really high on a hill.

We climbed up the steep steps leading to the dining hall, helping our Higher Authorities up. The resort staff helped carry our bags. Breakfast was to be served shortly. We were all hungry by then. As food was being taken out, Dean went through some house rules. Lots of them were common sense but after the long journey and the rude shock of not having a beach, the list of rules did not go down well with quite a few of the family members. We were not having a good start to the family reunion. We were also allocated our rooms and given our keys then. Our group was allocated rooms nearer to the dining hall. We had to do a bit of reshuffling for the benefit of the Higher Authorities.
My brother and I offered to switch our rooms for the seniors but there was not enough bed space for them. By this time, my head was in a cloud yet trying to make the most of the whole situation. I think my cousins were too.

After breakfast, some went on a boat to another beach for snorkelling. Some of us chose to go to a nearby beach which meant walking down many flight of steps and on a huge rock to get to the beach. I wish the beach was kept clean. Such a shame to see such beautiful sea set against a filthy, rubbish strewn beach. The sea was choppy. Kids were squealing and having fun. I was on the alert all the time to make sure none of the kids get pulled out to sea *sigh*

Then we went back to the dining hall for lunch. So far, the best part of the resort was the food. Quite a variety of dishes with lots of vegetable and delicious ulam. The cooking was tasty. After lunch we were given the option to go snorkelling again. Since there wasn't much to do at the resort, a group of us went on the snorkelling trip. We were dropped of at a nearby kampung with a beautiful beach front. Unfortunately, also strewn with rubbish. The sea was crystal clear and calm. Shallow water stretched quite far which made it safe for children to splash about. A few of the cousins who had gone to the island earlier for snorkelling were still there. They were quite upset by then as they've been waiting for the boat to fetch them for hours. It was way past lunch time (3.00pm by then), nobody had told them exactly what time the boat was to arrive to pick them up. The resort brought their lunch when taking us there.

Hearing that, I chose for my kids and I to return to the resort after the group had finished their lunch, having spent only an hour on the beach. Could it get worse than this??!

We chose to ride in the front of the boat to go back to the resort. Short while after leaving, the boat turned back towards the beach. I thought perhaps they forgot to collect something and was going back. Turned out, someone had spotted a small luggage bag floating in the sea. The resort operator and crew fished out the luggage from the sea. They were very excited to know what was in the bag. Popped open the bag and inside was a journal of sorts with pages of notes and drawings. The bag was very neatly packed. It was quite obvious that the bag hadn't been in the sea for long. In the journal was a passport and photos. I thought that's great. They'll be able to hand over the bag to the proper authorities to return to the owner. When ensued was shocking! The boat crew and resort operator pulled out the things one by one, shouting with excitement of their find. They were no different from pirates who pilfered and robbed. I was so sad that my children had to see what they were doing. My cousins and I were so shocked, we didn't know how to react. They rummaged through the bag to look for cash but couldn't find any. Then the resort operator threw the underwear in the sea deliberately. Any wonder why the beaches were strewn with rubbish? Words cannot describe the disappointment and sadness I felt on that boat ride. Laura and Adam were full of questions about what they witnessed on the boat. Asking if that was what is meant by Finders Keeper. It was very disturbing to realize that the beautiful islands, the jewels of our country, are run by barbarians and hooligans who obviously do not know anything about preservation. These islands are their livelihood and should be their pride, yet they chose to rape, exploit and litter. What is the heritage my children are growing up to inherit? I don't even recognize the country I grew up in anymore.

The resort operator collected vintage items in his resort, old telephones, gramaphones, photos, weighing scales, etc. I looked through the photos hanging on the wall. These were photos collected from various junk yards and sales so were not of any particular families. Most of the photos were from the 40s and 50s. What struck me was how similar these photos were to the ones in my family collection. There was no distinction between the races. Malayans dressed in similar fashion and one couldn't tell if they were Malays, Indians, Chinese or whatever crap the politicians have been trying to ram into us.

Most of us took a long nap in the afternoon, after a long night and rough morning. Night time was spent chatting and kids played by themselves. Adam played Congkak for the first time and enjoyed himself tremendously. The children gathered on the dormitory floor to play. One of the kids fell asleep playing!

Fragility of Life

2009-05-11T21:17:00.002+08:00

I took some time off today to be a mall rat. A rare chance to wonder about aimlessly. Just as I was heading towards a Geox shoe shop, I heard someone calling "Ms Chan"! Didn't think anything of it. Can be anyone lah. Then I see this guy with long hair walking towards me. OMG, blast from the past! An ex-boyfriend whom I bump into once every few years. Guess it's been a few years since we've bumped into each other.

It was good to catch up a bit on what's been happening in our lives. I was shocked to hear he'd lost his younger sister to cancer about 10 days ago. She was only 38. A rude reminder to us not to take anything or anyone for granted. Not to take our health for granted too.

As a family, we make a point to have dinner together unless PT or I are not in town or we have made dinner plans. That's when we sit and chat. This is the time we hear little gems from the children. Today, I started telling my family that I bumped into an old friend but stop short when it came to telling them about my friend losing his sister at a young age. Both my kids are at ages when they question mortality. They're afraid of losing their parents to illnesses and they're asking questions about dying and heaven and hell. They're afraid not to be able to see their papa and mama again. Whenever Laura asks if she will lose either her papa or mama any time soon, I have been telling her we do not know for sure when we will go but I promise to work hard at keeping healthy so hopefully we won't be "going" any time soon. I will not be able to explain to her why someone who is younger than me has gotten ill and died.

Words cannot describe how sad I am for you and your mom, Y, for your loss.

My favourite jogging path

2009-03-04T03:19:00.006+08:00

I love how this place as it's so close to the city and yet is so green. The air is always cool here and it's so quiet here, I can hear myself think. Running here clears my mind.

Not many cars come up this way. I have seen taxis parked here with the drivers taking power naps.

When looking at the distance shots, the place look beautiful and clean. On closer look, you'll see this...

On the day I took these photos, I caught one of the contract cleaners throwing a yellow plastic bag over the edge of the slope. The yellow plastic bags are the ones used by the cleaners to pick up the rubbish along the hill. This particular cleaner spotted a hole in one of the plastic bags, so she threw it over the hill. Now, that baffles me 'coz hasn't she been hired to keep the premises clean? Why did she add onto the rubbish? I tried reasoning with the cleaner but she was just unclear on the concept... Then I saw this!

The cleaners decided to take a break after picking up some rubbish. Looking at the dust pan they've been given to work with, I don't blame them for needing to take breaks! These cleaners have torn open the standard-issue yellow plastic bags to sit on for their break. No price for guessing right where these torn bags go after their break?

Around late mornings, a lady drives up in a Kia MPV. You know she's approaching when the monkeys come out from the hills in droves. She brings their breakfast! This lady goes around to various places to gather left-overs from eateries and bakeries to feed the monkeys. She is very passionate about the monkeys and have named some of the monkeys. She calls out to them and chides them if they grab food from the smaller monkeys. Every time I've gone there during late mornings, she's been there. No, what she's doing doesn't make me fuzzy and warm all over. IT MAKES ME MAD!!!

1. Monkeys DO NOT eat human food. Bread, cupcakes and rice isn't found in the wild. I won't be surprised if there are monkeys who are suffering from heart diseases from this diet!

2. Spoon feeding them will cause future generations to forget how to look for food in the wild. The young ones will not learn how to take care of themselves.

3. STOP leading the monkeys to think they have more than they actually do. Food is easy to come by, so they will eat and breed more. No need to look for food in the forest. SO WRONG!!

4. I love animals and it'll be an ideal world if everyone do not have to go hungry but the monkeys are BLARDY NUISANCE when they are out in droves for food. They throw fruit peels everywhere which is dangerous to people who jog around there!

So many times I've been tempted to tell the woman off. I'm sure there are better ways to ensure the safety and to look after the welfare of monkeys. How long can she go on gathering food and feeding the monkeys like this? What happens when she can't do it anymore? Then what?

Insomnia

2009-03-04T02:52:00.005+08:00

I had teh halia at 5.30pm this evening and I'm suffering now. Can't get to sleep!! So what do I do? I look through some photos I'd taken some time ago...

My children think I'm the best barber in the world. Only Mama can cut their hair and I always have two satisfied customers ;-) One day, Laura decides to make a sign for my services as a barber. She very quickly made the sign and pasted it up on our front door. My daughter expects her mama to work very hard for very little!

Guess what? Laura isn't the only one who thinks they can just make a sign and start a business!

This signs were on a pillar under a flyover along the MRR2. The guy has set up a desk in his "office" waiting for business. MALAYSIA BOLEH!!

And speaking of Malaysia Boleh...

I was at a big eatery in TTDI popular for wedding luncheons at lunch time when I heard snap, crackle and pop. Nope, I wasn't having rice krispies. I looked up and saw this huge mess of wires. Soon after hearing the noise, the people who were next door ran out to have a look at what caused the crackling sound. They nonchalantly walked back into the premises when they didn't see anything wrong. Will this mess of wires cause a fire to break out at the places the electricity supply is going to? Who knows? In this case, I wonder if the person who did the wiring even cared!

Sort of a follow up to my earlier post on safety on the road. Is this toddler going to grow up learning road safety? Will he get a chance to grow up??

Notice that there isn't anymore mention about enforcing buckling up behind? This young mom isn't even buckled up herself in the front and we all know that the front passenger is at the highest risk in the event of a road accident. We ALL know that, don't we? We don't?! AIYA!

9 Questions Tag

2009-02-19T10:30:00.007+08:00

It's been a long time since I've done a tag on my blog. This is a fun one from Lian.

1. Have you ever been on TV?
Yes. I was interviewed for quilting crafts I had made. Showed off baby quilts, hand-sewn checkers set and patchwork t-shirts, like these:

2. Have you ever sung in public?
Yes, a couple of times. First time was for charity at a Buddhist function. My bro and a friend played the guitar and I sang Buddhist hymns. Another time was an experience I'll rather forget. I had to wear ill-fitting costumes and a ridiculous wig. All that was supposed to be in the fashion of the 60's, but when I saw my own shadow on the way to stage, I looked more like the "Ladies" toilet sign!

3. Have you ever dyed your hair blond?
Now why would I want to do that?

4. Have you ever eaten frogs' legs?
Tried rice porridge made with 田鸡 (literally translated "farm chicken"). These are HUGE frogs. I didn't like the texture and felt geli when I ate it.

5. Have you ever received a present that you really hated?
No, never received any present I hated. Maybe there were a couple which got me wondering why...

6. Have you ever walked into a lamp post?
Almost did a couple of times but realized before actually walking into the lamp post.

7. Have you ever cooked a meal by yourself for more than 15 people?
Not by myself. Usually with help from my helper. Every Chinese New Year eve for about 20 pax.

8. Have you ever fallen or stumbled in front of others?
Oh yes! I was 17 and I was the Coy Leader of Girl Guides in school. One evening, on my way home I lost control of my bike on the slope going down and I landed on my face right in front of the school gate. The afternoon session had just finished school then and they saw me falling flat on my face. I had fat lips and a chipped tooth from that fall. I think I was more embarrassed than in pain initially after the fall.

9. Have you ever done volunteer work?
Yes but I'll like to do more.

So, who shall I tag now? Who needs to have a some fun injected into their blog?
1. kat
2. Uncle Lee
3. Babelicous Abby
4. Coffeesncookies

Standing egg

2009-02-16T16:45:00.002+08:00

Several times in a year, one can stand an egg up vertically and it'll stay put. My friend, James, sent me an sms on 10 Feb to let me know that day was one of those days. When I was a kid, my mother used to tell us that could be done. However, she'll read about that in the newspaper, forgot about it and then remember again when the time has passed.

On 10 Feb, I was out and about when James sent the sms and made a mental note to try when I got back. I forgot until James sent a photo by MMS. So I tried and viola!

That was precisely at 3.00pm. The next egg I tried didn't stand anymore. Laura and I tried and tried with different eggs. Nope, couldn't stand up those eggs. Guess 3pm was the cut off time!

My Big Family

2009-01-28T00:48:00.005+08:00

I am part of a big family. My big extended family on my father's side who came from a family of 9 siblings. I would best describe ourselves as a typical Asian family. When we get together, we eat, we joke, we laugh, we eat, we chat and eat some more and we're noisy!

We used to spend every Chinese New Year together. When I was little, before I went to Primary 1, my family would drive to Ipoh a couple of days before Chinese New Year. The cousins would play together and we'll sometimes stay until the 8th day of CNY to celebrate the Hokkien festival of "Bai Tee Kong". Lots of noisy fun and days after days of playing with my many cousins. Every CNY was in Ipoh without fail. Even the time when my father went into Hypoglycemia (his blood sugar went too low) the morning before we left for Ipoh. My father was diabetic and was on kidney dialysis. He had taken half a tablet of Daonil (that regulates blood sugar in diabetics), which was not his prescription drug. My father actually went into a coma but was revived in the hospital with a shot of glucose. He insisted on leaving the hospital so we could get back to Ipoh. On the way back to Ipoh, he went into a coma again near the Teluk Intan District Hospital. We could have lost him that night. To cut a long story short, he was revived and we proceeded back to Ipoh. My father's face lit up as soon as we arrived. He was so happy to see his siblings.

Now that we're all grown up, most of us are married with our own children. The "higher authorities" (parents, aunts and uncles), are growing old and some have passed on. Even so, we enjoy getting together especially during the Chinese New Year. Most of us do not really keep in touch throughout the year but when we get together, we pick up where we left off the last time we meet. I mentioned that we are typical Asians earlier 'coz most times we really do not know what each of us do, as in what profession we're in or how we are doing day to day. Tonight, some of us met up at a cousin's new place. He had just recently gotten married too. We were busy catching up, our children who meet each other at most twice a year were playing together as if they've been friends for life. I had a lot of fun meeting with my aunts, uncle and cousins again. I loved how the children played together so well. However, I can't help wondering how long this will go on? We made an effort to have family reunion at least once a year during the year end school holidays. Three to four days of being together. The last time we had a gathering, 53 family members were there and that was not the entire family yet. Last year, nobody volunteered to organize the Big Family Reunion so we didn't get together. I suppose what I'm trying to say is... we were a close family once upon a time. When my eldest uncle used to remind his siblings to be back for CNY reunion dinner. My father and his siblings made a lot of effort to keep in touch and to meet up for CNY even though my grandfather passed away in the 50's and my grandmother in the early 60's. My father and his siblings were very young themselves but they made the effort. My eldest uncle was the head cook with my mom and the aunts helping with the cooking. We still have lots of fun whenever we're together. However, nobody really want to make the effort to organize the reunion. How long more, cousins, before we go on living our own lives and "forget" to keep in touch?

What's been on my mind...

2009-01-07T18:02:00.002+08:00

My mind works like 30-sec commercials. My thoughts fleet between lots of stuff, totally unrelated. I can be thinking about cake designs one minute and reminded to pay my bills the next. Or I'll be driving when suddenly I remember I need to call someone or arrange something. Next moment, I forget. What's been on my mind lately?

1. I love my current place. Even after the landslide which started one road away from my place, I am quite reluctant to relocate.

2. Even though I welcome the move to have rear car passengers belt up, I find the move ludicrous. Parents are allowing their children, even toddlers, to stand up on the front passenger seat without any restrain (forget about car seats!) and getting away with it.

3. I need to get more exercise. My body is protesting the sedentary lifestyle I used to enjoy. I do not enjoy sedentary lifestyle anymore. Most certainly do not enjoy having flabby butts, arms and midriff.

4. Adam seems to be enjoying school. I love the improvements his kindie has made. Came with a price too. Increased school fees!

5. I hope Laura enjoys school and has good nurturing teachers this year. I hope she gets to participate in extra-curricular activities she'll enjoy. Apparently the teachers choose for the students what to participate in. I need to find out more.

6. Going to change my body time clock. Sleep early, wake up early. As a night owl, that is going to take some effort!

7. I'll be featured in a magazine in a couple of months! Woo hoo! Details later...

8. Chinese New Year is near! YAY!!!

9. Chinese New Year is near! YIKES!!

10. I need to call real estate agents to look for a place. Will I find a place which we will love as much as our current place? Where the air is always cool, the surrounding is quiet except for the chirping of the birds in the morning and the gentle sounds of the insects at night. A place like that which is not in the boondocks.

11. Chinese New Year Reunion Dinner. What dishes to cook? When to buy the foodstuff?

12. Chinese New Year goodies for guests and as gifts. Got to prepare!

13. Wow, Laura sure has a lot of books for Std 3. Additional 10 workbooks on top of the mountain of workbooks which are on her official book list. WTF!

14. What to wear for photo shoot tomorrow?

15. Need to be up early for BNI meeting. Time to sleep.

16. I need to think about cake biz direction.

17. My right foot is still swollen. My neck is stiff and sore on the right side. Related?

Man... being me is exhausting!

Kite flying

2008-12-03T01:17:00.002+08:00

The weather today was perfect for kite flying. Not too hot and it was windy. We drove to a park popular with those who enjoy flying kites. There has been time in the weekend when cars double and triple park along the highway with kite enthusiasts. Typical bad planning. Big park, not enough parking bays and no public transport going there. That's why I chose to go on a week day.

I dug out a couple of sports kite we've had for many years. Before we had kids, PT and I enjoyed bringing our kites to the beach to fly. Been a long time since we've flown our sports kites. I wasn't even sure if the lines were still strong enough or if the kites had disintegrated!

I set up our terror menerror sports kite which wings span 4ft across. Like real... Then couldn't get it to fly! Aiyoooo, malunya. Well, some parts of the wings were wearing thin and there were parts of the kite which we've had to fix with tape. It has seen better days. I folded up the terror menerror kite and took out the more humble looking but still fun sports kite. I showed the kids how to fly the kite. Being rusty, I didn't do such a good job. The kite dive bombed several times. Then Laura took over. Here she is looking really cute trying to fly the kite with two strings :D
Eu-Jynn had a go too.

We also brought along a single string simple kite which Dita had fun flying. Brought out the "kampong girl" in her :D

While waiting for her turn at the sports kite, Laura decided to fly the small kite too. She was really good getting the kite flying. The wind was perfect!

Laura took a photo of her bro flying the kite. She took a perfect shot of Adam with the kite.
Adam was the best at handling the sports kite. He managed to keep the sports kite airborne the longest of the 4 of us who were there! And this was the first time he tried the sports kite. Who knows, he may get as good as the guys in the video below!

My first treasure hunt

2008-12-02T01:04:00.004+08:00

Another first to be added to what I've done in 2008. Participated in my first Treasure Hunt. I've often gotten annoyed with Treasure Hunters who slow down their cars suddenly to look for answers to their clues. I've also been intrigued by what goes on in a Treasure Hunt. When BNI Malaysia organized its 3rd Treasure Hunt, I joined! The chapter I'm with, BNI Ampang, had 3 teams. Two of the teams got together at the Hard Rock Cafe the evening before the hunt to put our heads together to solve a couple of questions. We needed to submit 2 treasures at the start of the hunt.
Don't get fooled by the beer. We were really deep in discussion!!Flag off was from the grounds of a new hospital in Kota Damansara. My team mates were talking about tulips and clues and such. Then I find out that tulips in treasure hunts are not flowers but the directions to take during the hunt which will lead hunters to the anwers.

Muru wanted to know if the t-shirt suited him.

We got down from the car, looked around for answers to the clues given. Spent way too much time on the first few questions. Ended up not having enough time to finish the hunt!

View from the hotel was breathtaking even though the sea on the Gurney part isn't so hot really. We didn't have much time to eat properly throughout the hunt. By the evening, we were ravenous!!
We walked to Northam, which is the food centre closest to Gurney Hotel. The place was really busy! Ken's kids must have been so glad to finally get some food! I was!

Sweet Jessica enjoying a piece of chicken wing. Here with Belinda, our Feng Shui expert in BNI Ampang. Behind them is Jessica's dad, Ken, accountant extraordinaire!

The next morning was networking time and a chance to meet other treasure hunters under less competitive circumstances. We played SNAP! Nope, not the game we played when we were kids. This was SNAP done BNI style, done with name cards lol

I definitely will join more Treasure Hunts. Already thinking of bringing the children with me when they're older :D

Amazing guitar player

2008-11-12T01:01:00.002+08:00

I was forwarded this video. Something this inspirational ought to be shared. Listen to the way Tony Melendez from Nicaragua plays. Beautiful! He was born without arms!

Road Safety

2008-11-06T02:52:00.005+08:00

When I read what Patrick posted in his blog, I was reminded of photos I'd taken a few months ago.
No, I did not take the photo because I am a fan of Mercedes Benz. Look again...

Yup, 3 head sticking out of the sun roof! Someone who has enough brain to make $$ to buy a Mercedes Benz doesn't have the brain to keep his/her children safe! This car was going at least 90km/h on Jln Ulu Klang which is a highway!

How to enforce rear seat belts? I've lost count of the number of times when I've seen toddlers and children sitting in the front passenger seat with an adult. Both adult and children not buckled up. Also lost count of the number of times when I've seen toddlers standing on the front passenger seat in a car travelling at least 80km/h. Perhaps the toddlers' parents are training them to be the next Evel Knievel.

First attempt at making...

2008-11-06T01:00:00.004+08:00

On a whim, I decided to try making some plain bao as Laura loves them. Also I had bought some "Pau Flour" a couple of weeks ago and thought I'd better use the special flour before the weevils get to it. Well, too late... The packet, even though unopened, was Planet Weevil!

When I searched for Bao recipes, I found a steamed bun recipe which used plain flour! Whoopee! Too lazy to get my hands dirty, I used the bread machine :D Dumped in all the ingredients and then set on Dough setting. When the machine sounded, I looked in and my heart sank! The dough didn't rise and it was way too dry. Yikes, I'd missed out 1/2 cup of water! 1 cup of water already added ma, how come another 1/2 cup of boiling water?? Since the dough was already in the machine, I heated up some water until it was slightly hot but not boiling. Didn't want to risk breaking my machine for some buns eh? Reset the setting and hoped for the best.

When the timing was up, which on my breadmachine was 1 1/2 hours from mixing to proofing, I took out the dough, greased a mixing bowl and let the dough proof for another 45 minutes. That did the trick. The dough rose beautifully! From then onwards, I followed the recipe and here's the result!
Fluffy, light baos! Now I want to try making Char Siu Bao!!

Yes We Can Can

2008-11-05T17:45:00.002+08:00

When I'm feeling down thinking about the way our country is going down the drain, I remember the lyrics to an inspiring song by Harry Connick Jr from his album, "Oh My Nola".

Lyrics to Yes We Can Can :
Now is the time

Now is the time for all good men
To get together with one another
Iron out our problems
And iron out our quarrels
And try to live as brothers
And try to find a piece within
Without stepping on one another
And do respect the women of the world
Just remember you all have mothers
Make this land a better land
Than the world in which we live
And help each man be a better man
With the kindness that you give

I know we can make it
I know darn well we can work it out
Oh yes we can, I know we can can
Yes we can can, why can't we
If we wanna get yes we can can
I know we can make it a world
I know we can make it if we try
Oh yes we can, I know we can can
Yes we can can, great, got your money
Yes we can, I know we can can

Take care of the children
The children of the world
They're our strongest hope for the future
The little bitty boys and girls
Make this land a better land
Than the world in which we live
And help each man be a better man
With the kindness that you give

I know we can make it (I know that we can)
I know darn well we can work it out
Oh yes we can, I know we can can
Yes we can can, why can't we
If we wanna get yes we can can
I know we can make it a world
I know we can make it if we try
Oh yes we can, I know we can can
Yes we can can, great, got your money
Yes we can, I know we can can

We can do it, Malaysians, if we stand up and speak up!

Inconsiderate idiots!

2008-10-29T14:04:00.003+08:00

My morning started out well, as most of my mornings do. Had a good cuddle with my kids and a good stretch to warm up the muscles before the mad dash in the day. Then I had to get some groceries from the supermarket. I love Tesco Ampang, I've said that before. However, some people seem to leave their brain at home when they're out shopping. How else to explain stopping suddenly in the middle of the aisle and leaving the shopping trolley in the middle of the way, blocking anyone else from moving ahead with their trolley? And when you need to push your shopping to your car, it feels like you're going through an obstacle course as people leave their trolleys in the middle of the walkways. Worse, they load their groceries in to the car and push the trolley onto the parking bay! Hello!!!??! People need to park and there are trolley return bays all over the parking lot!

Someone highlighted this blog post to me which I want to share with everyone. The face of this inconsiderate idiot should be made known! Kudos to YK for snapping the photo of the culprit and his car! Something I've wanted to do whenever I'm faced with situations like this.

After the supermarket, I drove home to my condo to be faced with another idiot. A lady resident was cleaning her car and she chose to throw a plastic bag over the fence to a common land next to our condo. I passed by her as I was driving up to park my car and made a gesture to say "Why did you throw the rubbish?". She just gave me a blank look as if she didn't realize what she did was wrong. That got me mad! My 8-year-old daughter and 5-year-old son asked why the lady threw rubbish over the fence. I parked my car and told my children I was going to tell the lady off. My daughter said, "Uh oh, I'm staying in the car". She knows her mom is someone who will not tolerate nonsense like that. I asked the lady why she threw the rubbish over the fence when this is our home. She lives here too ma... Her reply made me more mad! She said that there were already rubbish over the fence. (Yes, we have other inconsiderate idiots living here) After all, it was her first time. She was getting angry with me too! WTF!!

I didn't want to talk to an idiot anymore. Sorry for insulting other idiots around. GRRRR!!!

A new me!

2008-10-19T11:22:00.005+08:00

Two months ago, pumped up with enthusiasm and as a self kick in the butt, I signed up for a 10km run. I figured 2 months should be enough to train up for the run. Since 20 months ago, I've been going to the gym, taking pole lessons and jogging/walking a bit but no way was I fit enough for a 10km run. Two months flashed by and I have not been training even though I have been exercising regularly! Before I knew it, the Mizuno Wave 10km Run day was almost here!

With some apprehension, I turned up at Padang Merbok on Saturday, 18 Oct to collect my running vest, number and instructions. The Pacesetters Athletic Club has so much experience organizing runs like this, picking up the race pack was a cinch. I didn't tell anyone about the run, half thinking I may just skip this. However, in the race pack was a timing chip to be attached to my running shoe for the run. The chip will record the timing of the individual runner. I am too proud to turn in a chip that doesn't show any running time!

I didn't sleep well the night before. Partly due to nervousness and also my kids were
recovering from flu. They were still coughing a bit in the middle of the night. When the alarm rang this morning, I was battling with myself whether to go ahead with the run. Again, pride took over. I have brisk walked/jog 9km before. What's another 1km? I decided not to put any pressure on myself and just concentrate on enjoying the atmosphere and the run. Treat it as a Sunday morning jog around the park.

Here I am looking like I could do with more sleep.

Arrived at Padang Merbok bright and early. I found a place to park further up from the Lake Club. That was where I parked when I joined the Kiwanis Fun Run which was attached to the Pacesetters New Balance 5km Run last year. I followed some other runners who were heading the same way. Most people were there as groups or they were seasoned runners who knew people there. I felt pretty lonely. The atmosphere at Padang Merbok was fabulous! Party at 6.30am! Woo hoo! Some runners were doing stretches, some jogged around to warm up. I remember not warming up before the 5km Fun Run and paid a hefty price for it. I was sore for 3 days after! This time around, I stretched a bit and jogged around just to loosen my sleepy joints. I was pumped and ready to go!

I walked past this ambulance and thought "I hope I won't be needing this!"

My body was trying to convince my brain I should go home. My brain was telling my body, "I can do it! No pressure. Walk when you can't run. Just finish the 10km within the qualifying time" I had entered in the Women Veteran category (aged 35-45), qualifying time 1 hour 50 minutes.

Two aims - complete the race and finish under the qualifying time. Easy.... right? Man, talk about self doubt!

At 7.15am, all runners gathered at the starting line. I looked around and saw some lean and mean looking runners. They look like seasoned runners. Some had running vests implying they're marathon runners or triathlete. There were all sorts of little gadgets like belt that holds little bottles to keep the body hydrated, canggih-looking running watches, sun visors which I've seen in running magazines. I was also reassured that I was not the only one who were not quite prepared when I saw (I assume) occasional gym-goers who thought it was a good idea to join the race at the time and some teenage boys who were convinced to sign up by parents of one of the friends. I overheard their conversation...

At 7.30am sharp, the horn sounded and we were off! There were 3,100 runners so starting was a little slow. I had placed myself somewhere in the middle. I didn't want to hold back those who are there for the medals, nor do I want to risk starting in the back. Do not want to be the last to cross the finishing line!

I had thought of a strategy. Slow jog the first couple of km. Walk when the road goes uphill and run when downhill. No pressure no hurry. Enjoy the atmosphere and the scenery. The route is quite scenic. I had my Walkman phone on and Harry Connick Jr was cheering me on. Note to self, pick some songs suitable for events like this. HCJ's "Yes We Can Can" was great for cheering myself on. How to go wrong with lyrics like:

I know we can make it
I know darn well can can work it out
Oh yes we can, I know we can can
Yes we can can, why can’t we?
If we wanna get together we can work it out

Must remember not to have "Workin In A Coal Mine" in the playlist!

Five o’clock in the mornin’
I’m already up and gone
Lord, I’m so tired’
How long can this go on

Not with 8km more to go! Just as I was having self doubts again, a barefoot auntie ran past me! She did look like a seasoned runner. Now if someone who is about 10 years older, running barefoot can do it, so can I!

My strategy worked. Walk uphill, run downhill. Just as I was feeling tired, I reached the 5km point. Water station! Hydrated, I continued running again. I kept telling myself, we've made it halfway only 5km more to go. Less than 2 times around the Ampang Hilir hill. No problem! That was also when I knew if I trained regularly, I can run the entire 5km race. Time to look out for the next 5km run.

The next 5km was tough but manageable. Brisk walk uphill, run downhill. The entire time I made sure there were still a big group of people behind me. A few teenage boys who had started the run next to me were still in sight, running/walking at about the same pace. I noticed that whenever I ran, they ran too. They probably thought "If this auntie can run still, so can I!"

We turned a few corners and I could tell we were not far from the finishing line. Sure enough, a volunteer from Pacesetters was at one of the turning points to informg runners another 2.3km to go. Woo hoo! My legs were tired by now but I knew there was still some running juice in them. I will jog my way to the finish line! I tried jogging from the 2km marker. Couldn't run the whole way, so I brisk walked and ran whenever I could. The teenage boys were still at par with me, running whenever I ran. They were tired too. Then I spotted the FINISH LINE! Yay! I finished my 1st 10km run in 1 hour 30 minutes!

After the run, I went looking for something to drink and perhaps a light breakfast. There were lots of fruits available, isotonic drinks as well as tau foo fah. The Milo van was there too and just like back in school, there was a long queue snaking towards the van!

A few things I learned from this experience:

* I need to train. Joining Pacesetters' organized training on Sunday mornings will help a lot! I can get to know more runners too, so I won't have to go to these events alone.
* I can do anything if I put my mind to it
* Join runs organized by Pacesetters Athletic Club any time! Always well organized.
* Do not plan anything strenuous after the event or the day after. My legs are sore!

Merdeka 2008

2008-08-29T17:49:00.002+08:00

My family have been in Malaysia for many generations. Not sure exactly but we're talking about 5th or 6th generation. We are of Chinese descent (as far as I know but I've been told I don't look Chinese) but have no link in China anymore. Our country is going to celebrate its 51st year of independence on Sunday.

When I picked Adam up from school, he was waving a flag he made in school. Yesterday, Laura came home with a handicraft she made in school. An astronaut with a Malaysian flag to be attached to a pencil. I want to start a family tradition for Merdeka day. I want my children to be proud to be Malaysians. But for the life of me, I can't think what to do. Putting up a flag on my car doesn't make me more Malaysian than I already am. I get annoyed when I see the Malaysian flag getting dirty and torn a week after Merdeka. 31 August has come and gone and Malaysians are not patriotic enough to treat the flag with respect.

I welcome suggestions for something I can do with my family for Merdeka. Maybe have a Merdeka day picnic!

School hols Aug 2008

2008-08-26T01:32:00.002+08:00

One week wasn't quite enough for the last school holidays. PT is still filming in Penang, in a Glen Goei movie called "The Funeral Party". To spend some time with PT, we went up to our favourite place in Penang, Lone Pine!

A few weeks ago, Adam decided he wasn't going to use a float to swim anymore. Made sure I was just a few kicks away and he was off kicking and swimming towards me. Now, he's graduated to jumping into the pool and swimming about.

Why do we love Lone Pine?

We went over to the ParkRoyal to the water sports centre to try out the buggy and also jet ski. The sea was very rough that day and boy was it windy!

This photo is very deceiving. Moments before, I was switching between trying to get the buggy to move and keeping it out of the sea! That it was high tide and the beach was on a slope made it very difficult to drive the buggy. Combined weight of the riders didn't help too! It was slightly easier with Laura and I only but even so... it was NOT EASY TO RIDE A BUGGY!

We went from a seaside holiday to a hill resort holiday. My sister-in-law and I went to see Alan Tam in concert. The concert was very good. Kids had fun in the pool too!

During this hols, we also discovered that Adam is quite the thrill seeker. Both PT and I love riding the roller coasters, so no prize for guessing where he got that streak from. Here is Adam sliding down the Awana pool slide.

Wedding Banquet

2008-08-18T00:09:00.003+08:00

I've attended many wedding banquets, some family members' and some friends' and they usually involve hundreds of guests, most of whom the bride or groom have never met but they are distant relatives who should be invited to the wedding.

I've just come back from a wedding banquet of a friend of mine from primary school and it's the most fun banquet I've ever been to since a gay commitment ceremony I attended a few years ago. A small cosy banquet of 60 pax of closest family and friends. Angie and I were classmates in primary school. We lost touch over the years and somehow connected again a short while ago. The groom, Eric, is a fun person who complement Angie so well. Eric is a Scot who planned to wear a kilt on their wedding day. When Angie asked me to make their wedding cake, I was deeply honoured. Being the fun couple they are, they were planning on making a TD2000 kit car as their bridal car. I had to make the car part of the cake! Here's the result:

There were 3 men in kilt tonight

Eric and his brother, Ron and a friend from Australia! My guess is the Ozzie is of Scottish descent?

Thank you, Eric & Angie for a really fun evening. May you guys enjoy many happy years together. Thank you, Ron, for the whisky! :D

Birthday Party

2008-06-25T00:44:00.005+08:00

After more than a week of heavy, depressing posts about schooling and homework, here's a happy one. Laura and Adam celebrated their birthdays a couple of weeks ago with their friends.

We have had a poolside party from the time Laura was two years old. Pool party suits me just fine as kids keep themselves occupied in the pool. However, we have to be really diligent in looking out for the kids as it can be quite dangerous being in the pool. Every year, we will have balloons filled with water to make water bombs. Always lots of fun :D

Adam wanted a cake with a train station, tunnel and train tracks so he can put his new die-cast train, Arthur, on the cake. Laura wanted to have the Baby Ballerina I made at the Debbie Brown workshop on her cake. Adam's classmate, Leon, shares the same birthday as him and is Adam's best friend in school. So we had Leon's name on the cake too to celebrate together.

There aren't many photos in my camera as Don was to be the "official photographer". I have yet to collect the CD from him!

Everyone had fun. I am glad both my kids' birthdays are 4 days apart so there only need to be one party a year. Phew!

Am I brave enough?

2008-06-24T22:02:00.003+08:00

Am I brave enough to homeschool my children? Am I patient enough? I am exploring all options before deciding on one.

As I've posted previously, I know next to nothing about homeschooling. However, I have gotten in touch with someone in Malaysia who runs a homeschooling website. At this point, I still know very little but hopefully will gather more knowledge to make an educated decision.

Let me give an insight to what I daydream about...

For my children to have fun learning and learning is beyond the classroom. Instead of learning flora and fauna from books, to actually be outdoors touching and smelling to learn. To learn about life cycle of an insect, to observe a caterpillar morphing to a butterfly in our own backyard. To visit science centre to explore, to do experiments at home and to gather information together.

All that is fine and good except, we don't have a science centre which is fun or equipped for such excursion. I do not have a backyard where butterflies will lay eggs. I suppose there are ways and means. My main concern is really the onus of teaching of my children will be on me. Am I good enough? Qualified enough? Patient enough?

Opposition leader not allowed to attend her former school's function

2008-06-24T21:50:00.002+08:00

This is absolutely ridiculous! Hannah Yeoh, ADUN Subang Jaya have been banned from attending a Prefects' Reunion of her former school because she is an assemblyman from Pakatan Rakyat. Read here.

What is Malaysian schools coming to?

Laura's homework weekend 21-22 Jun

2008-06-23T09:46:00.002+08:00

BM - Master Penulisan Bahasa Melayu Pages 4 - 7
Jumbled words to be reconstructed into sentences. I have a beef with this. How to reconstruct sentences when the child doesn't know how to construct in the first place?

Chinese 3M hua bao (magazine)
This is what Laura's teacher deem as fun homework. The magazine covers Chinese, Moral, BM, English and Maths in two languages. We used to struggle with this until Laura discovers she doesn't have to do the whole book. And it's ok not to do as her teacher will go through the questions with them.

Mathematics in English Activity Book Pages 6, 8, 9
This is one of the workbooks that are fun. Calculate and solve puzzles.

Isn't it bizarre that there are less homework in the weekends? I shouldn't complain 'coz at least Laura had time to spend with the family.

Last Saturday, parents were to meet the teachers and pick up their children's report card. Laura's teacher said she did pretty well considering she's from an English speaking family. Now, if my teachers had thought like that when I was in primary school, my command of the English would have been next to zero. My father used to work late and my mother was educated in the Chinese medium until she was 9 years old.

I am very proud of my little girl as she got all A's and B's, average mark 87%. Position in class 24/46, in standard 50/218. Goes to show Laura is a smart little girl. If only there was less punishment and more positive reinforcement in school, my daughter would shine!

Laura's homework Thurs, 19 Jun

2008-06-20T05:53:00.002+08:00

Mandarin
A few phrases are picked out of a passage from the textbook. To identify the "radical" of these passages, number of strokes and the pinyin. Then make sentences with these phrases.

Bahasa Melayu Tulisan Rumi (pages 1-4)
Writing exercise. Most of the words, Laura don't know. She just writes them.

Thursday's homework has been like a holiday compared to the previous days! Laura read a book for leisure before going to bed. If only it was like this every day.

Homeschooling

2008-06-19T11:13:00.004+08:00

What is homeschooling? I've heard this buzzword for some time and it's usually linked to Christian groups. I have nothing against Christianity but I am wary of overzealous people out to convert all and sundry, whatever the religion. I will like to keep an open mind on religion, let my children learn all they can learn of different religions so they can make an educated choice in the future. So, having over enthusiastic people on one religion around will make clouded judgement in the future. I digress.... What is homeschooling?

This is the limited view I have of homeschooling.

1. The onus on educating my children will be on me, sitting one to one with them.

2. Children who are homeschooled miss out on interacting with other children from all walks of life. Limiting their chances to learn social skills as well as dealing with trials and tribulations of childhood.

3. I will be breaking the law as children are required to complete Std 6 education in school.

4. Homeschooling centres are usually run by church groups, which I am ok with as long as they do not try to "convert" my children.

5. There is negative connotation to homeschooling. Kids who are homeschooled are square.

These are what I can think of offhand. From what I read here. This paragraph caught my eye:

To homeschool is to take responsibility of your child/ren�s learning because parents want to assume a bigger role in the education of their children. We want children to learn naturally � meaning, that they are able to use their naturally inquisitive and full of wonder kind of minds to explore and learn about the world around them. To do this, parents must view and value their children with love and respect and trust them to learn with all their physical as well as mental senses. We must give them space to express themselves through movements, art, music, songs and poems, whichever that attracts them most. We must allow them to speak their minds and say what is in their hearts.

What I want for my children but is homeschooling an option? I don't know enough to make that decision. Where can I find more information? Who can I talk to? That's what I'm going to find out.

Laura homework Wed, 18 June

2008-06-19T09:26:00.000+08:00

Today's homework is very little compared to the other days.

KBSR English workbook Pages 14-16 (3 pages)
Teacher did not mark homework done on Monday and Tuesday and gave more homework on Wednesday.

Mandarin 3M Children Magazine
Based on examples given in the magazine, Laura needed to write a short paragraph on her daily "news", eg, what she did today. Even so, that's what my niece and I guessed she had to do 'coz she didn't get what her teacher wanted them to do. Her teacher also discourages students asking questions, so she dared not ask.

Mathematics in English workbook Pages 1-5 (5 pages)

Bahasa Malaysia
Read passage on page 60, then answer questions on the workbook.
Laura's BM teacher is known to provide answers to the students. She goes through the questions once and tells the students the answers. Students who go for tuition will be able to answer, those who don't like Laura, will be utterly lost. It's been 2 years since Laura learned BM and the syllabus is quite tough. Frankly, Laura is struggling to keep up. I do not understand how the syllabus is derived. Definitely not teaching children from scratch!

This is a list of "less" homework. Laura managed to finish everything to get to bed by 10pm.

Because I need to sit with Laura to do her homework, Adam is not getting as much attention from me. There isn't time to be together as a family before the kids go to bed.

Laura's Homework Tue, 17 June

2008-06-18T01:17:00.002+08:00

Mandarin workbook Pages 4-6 (3 pages)

Mandarin exercise book
Part 1 - Copy a short story (2 paragraphs) from textbook. Provide illustration.

Part 2 - Complete a poem with some pinyin words. Write out poem, with chinese character of pinyin words.

Mathematics in Chinese workbook Pages 1-5 (5 pages)

KBSR English workbook Pages 7-13 (7 pages)
Teacher did not mark homework done on Monday and gave more homework on Tuesday.

Art & Craft: Make a mask

Laura did not manage to finish her Music class homework yesterday, so she did that today. Finished homework about 11.30pm.

Link on corporate punishment and discipline in school

2008-06-18T01:14:00.002+08:00

When I was searching for information on education in Malaysia, I stumbled upon this link. These are articles in the newspaper from 1998 regarding corporate punishment and discipline (or lack of) of students in school nowadays. Interesting read!

Laura's homework Monday, 16 Jun 2008

2008-06-17T00:56:00.004+08:00

This was what Laura had to do for homework today:

Mathematics Pages 118 - 124 (7 pages)
These pages involves problem solving using division.

Mandarin Page 3
To copy a paragraph/poem with some words in pinyin. Write out the word in pinyin and the Chinese character.

Pasti Skor KBSR (English) Pages 1 - 5 (5 pages)
Additional workbook to prep students for KBSR. As if they do not have enough workbooks already!

Mandarin (Writing) Pages 6 - 8 (3 pages)
To write out Chinese characters, count the number of strokes.

3M magazine for Std 2 Pages 1, 2, 4, 5, 8 & 9 (6 pages)
To do only (only?) Mandarin and Maths in Chinese sections. Some of the questions asked:

Mei Hua bought a school bag, gave the shopkeeper RM50. Shopkeeper gave her change RM3.70. How much was her school bag?

A packet of nasi lemak costs RM2.50, a packet of fried noodle RM3.50. If Hua Ming bought 3 packets of fried noodle and one packet of nasi lemak, how much change will he get back?

How much is RM49.10 - RM21.30?

WTF! Children are taught decimals in Std 2 already?? This is the Std 2 standard?! And why are there additional magazine type workbooks?!

Bahasa Melayu (Tatabahasa) Exercise book
List of 13 items. Give the "penjodoh bilangan"

Music Exercise book
Write out lyrics of a song taught in school and draw a picture to the song.

Laura started homework about 8.30pm (after she had showered and had her dinner). At almost midnight, I stopped her as she was too tired and simply could not think anymore. She had completed almost all her homework except for Music and some of the Writing. Is this not child abuse??

What I am planning to do this week is to list out all of Laura's homework daily. So far, I have made a photocopy of her homework today. I shall be writing her a letter with a copy of the homework to be done. I am not planning on wasting paper to photocopy every day but the principal will need to answer to me. If she doesn't give me a favourable answer, I may be forced to complain to the Ministry of Education that children are being abused in school - mentally and physically. Children are being robbed of their childhood!

Today is Adam's 5th birthday. I would have liked to have some fun time with Adam and Laura. Maybe we play some board games or just have a good cuddle together, so Adam will have good memories of his birthday with his family. We couldn't do that as Laura had tons of homework to complete or she'll be punished by her teacher in school!

School issues again...

2008-06-16T01:29:00.003+08:00

This subject has come up again. My poor little girl is trying so hard to do well and please her teacher but her school culture seems to be concentrating on putting fear on the children. Children are given a whole book of "Holiday Homework" to do during the 2-weeks school holidays. One boy didn't know how to do one page (something which his teacher hadn't taught), he was caned by his teacher. His mom went to school to see the teacher. His teacher admitted to not having taught the page in question, briefly went through the page with the boy and gave mother and son permission to go to the canteen to complete the homework. Vice Principal comes along and scolded the mother for not knowing that he should be in the assembly hall. This was 1/2 hour before school officially starts. Children are required to gather at the assembly hall from 12.30pm - 1.00pm. Said something to the effect, "Been 6 months of school already, how can you as a mother not know?" To talk down to a mother in front of her child is a definite no no!

Children are penalized by teachers and branded "lazy" and "stupid" if they do not know how to answer questions or miss out on doing homework. These children are so bogged down with homework, I have a tough time keeping up with what needs to be done!

Laura gets home every day about 7.15pm, dinner and shower and starts homework about 8.15pm. She doesn't finish till 11.00pm, sometimes midnight. So fatigued already, how to concentrate? Weekend homework is ridiculous. When are the children supposed to have time with the parents? Time to play? This weekend, this was what Laura had to do for homework - construct sentences in Mandarin, hanyu pinyin, copy a page from her Mandarin textbook, counting number of strokes and recognizing the radicals, Maths in Chinese, Maths in English, Bahasa Malaysia, Pemahaman in BM and Moral. Her birthday party was scheduled for Saturday, so she wanted to finish all her homework on Friday after school so she can have the whole weekend free to play. Laura stayed up till midnight on Friday and she could not finish. This morning, to have time to play the rest of the weekend 'coz we have house guests, she finished the rest of her homework.

I myself have not been the most patient with her. I feel really bad about it. Not having been educated at a Chinese school, my knowledge of Mandarin is very limited, not up to the standards of a Std 2 student. Laura will like me to sit with her to do her homework, helping her look up words in the dictionary, etc. Evening is also the time when I usually work on cakes, as day time is spent running errands and picking kids up from school. If Laura finishes close to midnight, that's when I start my work on cakes and I do not get to bed till 3-4am sometimes. Sleeping late is really putting a strain on me and I am such a grump when I do not have enough sleep. My children suffer, PT suffers and our helper suffers my wrath too.

I see my daughter changing. She has been forced to grow up faster than she should. At 8-years-old, she should still have the "Wow!" factor in her. To be curious and amazed by what's around her and the world around her. Laura should have time to daydream and read what she wants to read.

My daughter used to be a confident, outspoken little girl. At 3 years old, she told off some 6-7 year-old-girls for being rude to her at the playground. I was so proud of her for standing up for herself. However, that quality is frowned upon in her school. They are supposed to listen, sit down and shut up.

Private schools like Sri KL, Sri Cempaka or Sri Garden are not options for me. Also, I feel cheated having to pay almost RM10,000 a year in fees to learn the Malaysian school syllabus. RM10k is only fees for lower primary, have not taken into consideration the deposit, material fees, extra-curricular activities, uniform, etc. OUCH!!

Laura is also feeling a little left out in school. She has been raised by us to be affectionate and has always talked like a little adult. I don't think she can really relate to her friends in school.

Anyone know what Convent Bukit Nanas is like? Or Stella Maris? Does St Mary have a primary school? Recently, I had the pleasure of visiting Sek Men St Mary and met the principal. I am very impressed with Miss Goh, the school principal. Miss Goh is a principal who cares about the students under her care and it shows. Unfortunately, the school is too far from my home.

I am desperate! I need to find a good school to transfer my daughter to and eventually for Adam to start school in before my children lose their innocence and drive.

Taking Safety For Granted

2008-05-14T01:29:00.002+08:00

I was running errands a few days ago when I realized I'd put my family in danger without realizing it. In my car was everything a person with bad intentions needed to get into my home - house keys, keycard to get into my condo compound and a letter addressed to a former tenant which I was going to drop off at the post box to return to sender. Someone could have broken into my car and drove to my home, calmly opened the door to take whatever they wanted! If the guards see my car driving in, they'll probably think it was PT or me without really looking. Scary thought!

In need of positive vibes

2008-05-01T01:18:00.002+08:00

I feel like I'm drowning in negativity. All around there are complaints, bad news like rise in food costs, my daughter having to face tyrannical teachers and all homeworked out. The good thing is Laura is rising above the pressure and doing pretty well. She's not pressured, only reminded to try her best. Then she'll know she's done her best and not kick herself for thinking if only...

There are a million thoughts running in my head now. If it wasn't 1.30am now, I would probably have geared up and gone running or head to the gym.

Ok, I'm rambling.... Head off to bed now and tomorrow will be another day, a new beginning.

"We Will Rock You" musical

2008-04-11T00:28:00.003+08:00

I first read about the Queen musical We Will Rock You soon after Mig Ayesa moved to London with his wife, Simone. Mig and I worked briefly together in a musical several years ago. I was his dresser in Fame: The Musical. Fame was pretty lame but Mig shone in that. The musicians from Fame and Mig jammed at No Black Tie one night. What a night that was! It was very obvious to me that night Mig was destined for bigger and better things. True enough, not long after the Asian Tour of Fame, Mig left for London and then LA. The rest is history...

It is such a treat that Mig who was the original Galileo is going to be in the production in Singapore. I am very tempted to watch We Will Rock You in Singapore. The Queen fan in me is saying "GO!" but the practical me is saying "WTF! Spend so much money on one concert ah??" I don't have much time to make that decision...

Read the review.

Mama Min cupcakes on Martha Stewart show!!

2008-04-06T00:29:00.004+08:00

I am sooooooooo thrilled!

Martha Stewart had a "Cutest Cupcake Contest" on her website this week, so Mama Min submitted photos of "Koi" and "Garden" on the site. Even though the results for "Cutest Cupcake" isn't out yet, Mama Min "Koi" cupcakes has made it to the Martha Stewart show!

Original post here

To view the episode with Mama Min's cupcakes, go here. Click on the THURSDAY, April 03 tab and on play entire show.

The "Koi" cupcake photo was picked out of 1,200 photos submitted (as of the 3 April episode). At the close of the Cutest Cupcake contest, there were 2,051 submissions! I wonder when the 10 cutest cupcakes results will be out.

Worst pedicure ever!

2008-03-29T02:09:00.003+08:00

To celebrate my loss of 12kg and Jazzmama's crossing her first hurdle towards being a road fiend, we decided to give ourselves a pamper session. I was in Jazzmama's neighbourhood so we went to a manicure place nearby. The place looked promising from the outside. Well, they used OPI products. Fab nail polish!

We walked in and the place was empty. Alarms in our head should have gone off but I figured it's a working day and it's still early afternoon. We were ushered to the pedicure station to get our feet soaked. Massage chair! Ooh.... Err, nobody showed us how to operate the chairs wor. For show only issit?

Soaked our feet and then the manicurists proceed to work on our feet. Next thing I know, my toenails were being painted. Hey, that was quick. Still a lot of dry skin on my feet leh. Jazzmama wanted to get a manicure done too so I sat with her for a while. As my toenails were drying, I could see that my heels still looked bad. I told the manicurist who very kindly said she'll work on my feet somemore but only after she's done with Jazzmama. I figured I need about 1.5 hours to get from Puchong back to KL to pick my daughter up from school, so ok I'll wait. When the manicurist worked on my feet again, I noticed she didn't really know what to do and boy does she have beautiful nails.

My feet are the same as they were when I left this morning. Yes, my toes are prettier and cleaner but my feet still have loads of dry skin. I am so disappointed. What I've learned? Do not go to a salon where the manicurists have perfect looking nails. They don't spend enough time working on nails! Where is this place? N Nails in Puchong (the shops opposite Giant supermarket). DON'T GO THERE!!!

The big 4 0

2008-03-18T01:53:00.002+08:00

I turn 40 today. Celebrated my birthday with a bang with close friends and family last Saturday. What am I doing on the day I turn 40? I promise myself to train to run 21km and here's the blog to chart my progress.

Harry Connick Jr "My New Orleans Tour"

2008-03-06T01:00:00.003+08:00

I was at the Harry Connick Jr concert tonight. It was FUCKING AWESOME!!! Best part is, I won the tickets in a contest! I read in the Sunday Times of a contest by Dockers to win 2 x RM300 tickets to watch HCJ in concert. I am no good with writing out contest form, getting an envelope, stick a stamp on the envelope and actually getting to a post box to post the contest form. This contest said to email in the answer. I thought I can do that! So, that was what I did :D

Last Wednesday, I got a call to say I've won the tickets!!! WOOOT! PT wasn't in town, so I brought along my girlfriend, Lia, who needed a night out. We bopped and wiggled in our seats and tapped our feet, all the while wondering why nobody else was doing that. I guess the concert being in the Dewan Filharmonik, most people there think they have to behave a certain way. Man, HCJ and his Big Band were playing such good music to groove to, it was difficult keeping still. I was quite tempted to jump out to the aisle to dance!

HCJ had a great sense of humour and a certain charm about him that says he'll be great at parties. He will fit right in with us at our parties at home. The boys in the band loved their music and it was obvious watching them play. I love watching musicians who love what they do play. Their passion is felt by the audience. What an experience!

I am a HCJ fan now. Even bought his new album "Oh My NOLA" at the venue.

Inspiring talk by Dr Randy Pausch

2008-03-03T22:13:00.003+08:00

This is dying Dr Randy Pausch's last lecture which was featured in the Oprah Winfrey's show about Death. If you watch this and did not feel something, check that your heart is still beating and you still have a pulse!

And the full lecture at Carnegie Mellon University:

Eyesight

2008-03-02T02:57:00.003+08:00

As I am approaching my 40th birthday, strange things are happening to my eyes. If I choose not to wear my contact lens, I spend a big chunk of my day looking for my glasses.

"Now let me recall. The last time I wore my glasses was when I was watching TV. But my glasses aren't near the TV! I went into my room just now. Not there. Ok, I used the pc a short while ago. Nope, not there either. Wait a minute, I was referring to a cake book earlier. A-ha! My glasses at the bookshelf."

You see, I can see quite well with my glasses for distance but once I reach for a book with my glasses still on, it's a different story. My eyes strain to focus. The words become blur and if I pull the book closer, the words become more blurred. Take off my glasses and yes, I can read ok or thread a needle or fix a small part that has broken off a toy. I don't understand why some manufacturers have become so inconsiderate as to print their labels so small. To save cost so no need big packaging, is it?

Is there a change in the brightness and voltage indication? I swear some lights aren't quite as bright as they used to be. Why is it I can't see small words in some light when I used to be able to read by candle light?

Ok, I shall stop being in denial. I will need to get brighter bulbs and longer arms so I can read properly.

Science for Std 2 Challenge - Answer

2008-02-26T21:54:00.004+08:00

Thank you for replying to the challenge. Here are the answers I got:

Kat:
Pix1 (left) matches with Pix2 (right)
2 = 4
3 = 1
4 = 3

I like Don's argument, so I will put it here:
Eat too much, you put on weight (1=2)

Don't eat at all, you end up skinny with sunken cheeks (2=4) -- though they should have drawn him looking a bit more cadaverous, IMHO.

Skip your veggies, you end up with constipation (3=1), though frankly they should have drawn the kid straining on the loo to make this clearer.

Prance about abstaining from a good, stiff drink after a good curry masala with sambal on the side on a hot, sunny day and you end up mugging someone and stealing their bag desperately looking for a drink while flapping your hand in front of your face to cool down your tongue, all in all looking like a loon (4=3).

Seriously though, what other possible conclusions could Laura have come to?! Given the scant clues provided by the artwork, those are the most logical choices. Kudos to her for figuring it out, considering the poor cartooning/art direction/editing of the book.

Sasha:
1 = 2
2 = 4
3 = 3
4 = 1

I so agree with Don. The answer can be anything! Here's the teacher's explanation and what she insists is the optimum answer:

1. Eat too much = become fat (Pic 2)

2. Picky eater/don't eat = become weak (Pic 3). Gee, and we all thought Pic 3 depicted someone who was constipated/feeling hot/bratty.

3. Don't eat veg = become skinny (Pic 4). This I do not agree with the teacher. If Pic 2 is picky eater, picky eater will also become skinny right?

4. Don't drink water = fall sick (Pic 1). Not Pic 3? Body heats up and can't deal with the heat?

As Don pointed out, the illustration is so badly done, it is difficult to say which is THE answer for which. Can be anything right? So I really do not think the teacher should have marked Laura's answers as wrong. I asked Laura's teacher if questions like this will appear in the test paper and she refused to confirm or say no. Even have the cheek to tell me it's quite alright to get it wrong in the workbook. As long as Laura learns to identify what is the optimum answer. How to reply to that??

2008-02-26T01:47:00.003+08:00

I was chatting with my childhood friend earlier, reminiscing about the songs and fashion in the 1980's. What remember from the 80's were the shoulder pads, Doc Marten shoes, carrot cut pants, big curly hair, pom poms on the back of the socks, oversized shirts and eyebrows ala Anita Mui!

There must be so many women who regret getting their eyebrows tattooed to look like Anita Mui in the 1980's!

The photo right on top was taken in KDU in 1987 with my classmates. Tina (standing on my right) and I are still in touch. She's also a childhood friend of mine. Sorry, Nyah, I don't have a photo with your eyes open lol

I had to dress up on a budget. No such thing as buying an outfit for a party lah. Took a blue dress I liked and accessorize! Some netting material, fake pearl necklace and brooch to attach to the dress. Matching fake pearl necklace and brooch for choker. Lots of eye make up, teased my hair with gel and viola!

Oh dear... I hear 80's fashion is coming back! Gasp! Horror!

Science for Std 2 - a challenge

2008-02-23T13:11:00.003+08:00

This is a page from my daughter's std 2 science book. Match the picture on the left to the right. See if you can get the answers right.

I will like to know what answers I will get.

2008-02-21T23:50:00.006+08:00

What I remember about primary school...

Playing with my friends before school, during recess and after school. Waking up when the sky was still dark, the air was chilly and fireflies darting about. Yes, fireflies in PJ! We didn't have to drive all the way to Kuala Selangor and jump on a boat to watch fire flies in the 70's!

We played Rounders, hop scotch, five stones and jump rope before school. Nobody told us off for being noisy. At recess, we wolfed down our food so we could have more time to play some more.

When waiting for the school bus, my friends and I would play "Catching" which always involve jumping across the drain. I usually got caught because I was too chicken shit to jump across. I remember my teacher Miss Angela Wong who taught us well, who was firm yet loving. She was concerned about us, made sure we understood what was taught even though there was almost 50 of us. I remember a little fold up cabinet which was opened once a week so we could borrow books to read. After Std 3, once a week we went to a small room filled with books and we could borrow any books we want. I learned later that that was the school library of sorts. I borrowed books by Enid Blyton. Started with Blue Dragon books, slowly moved to Green Dragon and finally Red Dragon. Read all about the Famous Five, Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys. I looked forward to the day we could borrow books. I can't remember now which day it was when we could borrow books. It could have been a Friday.

At home, I hardly had any homework. That was usually dealt with pretty quickly so I could watch TV when transmission started at 5pm. Yes, this was before cable TV and TV broadcast wasn't 24 hours. Heck, this was before colour TV.

33 years later and my daughter is in primary school. Her school days are so different from mine. Her school is situated on one of the busiest road in KL, so no chance to play outside the school compound for sure. Girls her age have been kidnapped, are still missing or murdered so playing outside the school without supervision is not an option!

A schoolmate's mom and I carpool with our kids. Why not put her on a school bus? Just today, a motorcyclist squeezed between a parked lorry and my car which was on the left lane. Needless to say, he scratched my car! With the number of cars on the road and the reckless way people drive, put my kids on a bus where they are not secured with any seat belt? I love my children too much to put them through that risk!

A typical day in my daughter's school day...

Arrive in school and straight away they are to get themselves upstairs to the school hall to be lined up with their class. The time between arrival and the start of school, they are taught to sing by their vice principal and they recite classics. Sometimes, they watch cartoon on TV. They are not allowed to run around or make too much noise as the morning session is still on.

Time to start school, they proceed to their classes in an orderly manner. They settle in and lesson starts. Maths and Science taught in English and Mandarin. Bahasa Melayu to learn and workbooks to do. English as a subject twice a week. Moral in Mandarin. Two to three workbooks per subject. Physical Education textbook and workbook to go through. Textbook and workbook for PE???! WTF! PE meant going to the field and being outdoors when I was in primary school!

Every kid look forward to recess right? Recess time in Laura's school... Children go straight to the school canteen and are expected to stay there the entire time. There isn't much of a field to play in in the first place. If the entire Std 1 and Std 2 population were to converge at the field, they will all be standing shoulder to shoulder. Hey, just like being in the assembly hall!

Poor Laura is swamped with homework. Something is terribly wrong with our education system when 8-year-olds go to school for 5 1/2 hours each day and still have to sit through 5-8 homework each day! A neighbour of ours also send her daughter to the same school. E is in Std 5. When we bumped into her the other day, she told Laura, "You're lucky to be in Std 2. You only have maximum 8 homework a day. In Std 5, I have 10 homework on average". She had just gotten back from 2 tuition back to back. It was 7.00pm (E goes to the morning session) and she was still in her school uniform and hadn't started on her homework. What time does she go to bed?

My little girl has always had an early bedtime. Latest to bed 8.30pm. She's a growing girl so she needs her sleep. Since starting school, she's not had the chance to sleep early. Back home by 7.10pm, shower then dinner. By the time she finishes dinner, it's almost 8.30pm. She has to deal with homework. Plough through 5-8 homework, she's in bed by 10.30pm if she's lucky. The next morning, she's up by 8am so she can attend classes in Bao Bei. Laura doesn't attend any tuition class, only Bao Bei. She loves going to Bao Bei as children learn Mandarin in a fun way.

By the time Laura is done with homework, her eyes are half closed. She is exhausted. Dark circle under her eyes. No chance to unwind, no chance for some catch up time with her family, she is off to bed and falls asleep straight away.

Someone please remind me. What's the purpose of homework? My definition of homework is school work that can't be completed in time in school. Homework is a way to revise what was taught in school so that the students understand what they are taught. How is a 7+-year-old supposed to be able to concentrate on homework after having been in school for 5 1/2 hours? Can anyone sustain concentration for so long, whatever age they are?

What is the purpose of workbooks? Why is there such an emphasis on workbooks? One workbook per subject not good enough? Why the need for 2-3 workbooks? After Year 1, students who excel are placed in the first two classes. Laura made it to one of these two classes. I was actually hoping she wouldn't! I knew it would mean extra pressure on her and MORE WORKBOOKS! sigh

Laura was struggling with her homework 'coz she didn't understand what she was supposed to do. I helped her whenever I could by going through dictionary with her and guiding her but I get stumped too as I did not learn Mandarin in school. Several times I told her to ask her teacher the next day. She said she won't 'coz her teacher won't answer her questions, in fact will scold her for asking. A teacher who does not encourage her students to ask when they do not understand? Hmmm... Maybe something got lost in translation. After all, my daughter is 7 1/2 and may not convey fully what the teacher said or she chose the wrong time to ask. When I had a word with the teacher, I asked if Laura asked when she doesn't understand. Her teacher launched into a long explanation on her style of teaching.

She DOES NOT encourage her students to ask questions. There are 46 students in her class, so if everyone of them came up to her personally to ask questions, she does not have time to do much else. When she's teaching, her students are expected to give 100% attention and understand. Then they're given homework to do.

Hello, Ms Teacher. As you said, there are 46 students in your class. Do you expect every single one of them to be at the same level of understanding? They are 7-8 year olds and they are expected to pay full attention and be able to understand every single thing you teach? Wouldn't it be better if the students asked you questions so they learn better? They ask you questions so you can gauge how much you've taught is understood.

Laura has been known to wake up crying in the morning because she thought she had missed out on some homework. Any homework not done will result in marks deducted from her moral exams. Any students who skip school without a valid reason or MC will also have marks deducted. The teachers wield canes at the assembly hall to get the children to behave. The children are taught to fear their teachers. To do their homework or face punishment. Sit down, listen and shut up! That's the message being put across to these children. My daughter told me she's happy 'coz it's "the 5th day her teacher hadn't scolded her". Aiyooo!

I am very frustrated with the education system at the moment. Frustrated with how the children are so bogged down with homework they do not have time to be children. Frustrated at how Laura gets so stressed out when she thinks she's forgotten to do her homework. Frustrated that children's enthusiasm for learning is getting systematically squashed and replaced with learning through fear. Frustrated with the way languages is taught. That's another post! So much emphasis on passing examinations. I constantly remind Laura that examination is a way for the teachers to access how much the students understood what had been taught so far. Do the teachers and the school remember that?

From a Std 2 BM workbook

2008-02-21T22:50:00.005+08:00

I want to know who approves the content of textbooks for our schools? Laura needed help with her homework today and this was the page from her Bahasa Malaysia (or is it called Bahasa Melayu now? I can't keep up!) workbook.

I am disturbed by this. At an age when the children should be increasing their BM vocabulary and reading interesting stories to better their understanding, they are getting questions like these? The book is teaching the children to look at their fellow countrymen differently? Very obvious that whoever wrote this activity book is very narrow minded and are teaching the children to be so.

Money sense

2008-02-05T13:16:00.000+08:00

I grew up with parents who shielded us the children from "adult" stuff. My parents were frugal and what I knew about money was through listening in on their conversation. We were by no means poor 'coz my father earned a good income. My brothers and I were not involved in how the family finances work. I guess that was my parents' idea of protecting us.

Recently, I bought Laura a lovely journal, guided one where she answers questions and write a little about herself, her family and such. She had it for one day, brought it to school to show off to her friends (even though she's been told she wasn't allowed to do that) and it was gone. She wasn't very concerned about it being gone which made me realize that maybe my kids have been getting things too often and too easily. They do not seem to value gifts as much as they should. So, now they're restricted to gifts only on birthdays and Christmas.

Recently, Laura asked for a High School Musical water bottle with Troy on it. I told her she has to wait for her birthday in June to get it. Alternatively, she can save up for it.

Laura started getting some pocket money for school, just in case what she brings for recess is not enough, she can buy something to eat from the canteen. Nominal sum which she has to budget for it to stretch but enough to save some up if she doesn't spend the weekly allowance. We went to check out the bottle together to work out how much she need to save and for how long with what she gets every week. She was quite excited to learn that if she brought food from home every day, she will be able to buy the bottle herself in 4 weeks. I am hoping that this way she will value the bottle more 'coz she bought it with her own money.

I am not very good with working out budgets and money management. I am hoping this way, Laura and Adam will be more savvy when they grow up.

Laura and Adam conquer the slopes!

2008-01-20T22:39:00.000+08:00

Laura has not been able to join us at the playground the times we've been there as she was in school. This morning she got her chance to ride the slopes.

I got some flak from friends and family for allowing Adam to ride without a helmet on. I hear you! Now kids are reminded, "No helmet, no cycling"

Adam The Thrill Seeker

2008-01-16T22:57:00.000+08:00

Adam started riding without training wheels about 6 months ago. I brought him to a small playground recently which had some slopes and such. Boy, was he thrilled! I was afraid he'll hurt himself at first but realized that I will not be able to stop him from trying. Instead of getting myself stressed out stopping him and both of us ending up not having any fun at the playground, I thought I'll let him try. At least he will learn how to control the bike better and if he falls, I am there to help him up.

Update at last!

2008-01-14T13:58:00.000+08:00

It's been so long since I've updated my poor neglected blog. I have so much to blog about as a lot has happened in 2007! Just can't seem to find the time.

For one, I have been busy with going to the gym 3 times a week since February 2007, working with personal trainer, Joe Christin from Celebrity Fitness. Working out and revamping my daily diet has transformed me from this "BLUB"

Photo taken Dec 2006

to this!

Photo from Oct 2007 issue of Shape magazine (Malaysian edition)

I am a reformed couch potato now who actually likes to exercise. My daily schedule has changed which doesn't give me any time for gym now. Believe it or not, I miss feeling muscle soreness after a good workout. So, I have taken up running instead. I blogged about joining the Kiwanis Fun Run last year. (I used the "Blubber" photo on that post too lol That's my reminder photo. Never to let myself get to that stage again!)

I've just checked the Pacesetters Athletic Club's website for their events schedule. I have targeted a few events I want to join, starting with the Bidor Half Marathon in April 2008. 21km! That is going to be quite a challenge as I can't even run the entire 3km yet. With training and perseverance, I'm sure I will be able to. These are the other events I have my eyes on:

New Balance Pacesetters 15km at Padang Merbuk on 18 May. I joined the Kiwanis Fun Run which was organized together with this event last year. From what I see, the 15km run is very well organized. Participants had ample bananas, watermelon, water and isotonic drinks before the race. Then after, there were mountains of food for those who want to fuel up. New Balance was there to offer 30% discount on shoes too! There was a festive mood and the runners were very friendly. Lots of happy hormones after 15km of running!

Inaugural Lion City Marathon in Singapore on 29 June. Going to do the half marathon (21.1km). Will aim for full marathon in 2009 :D Their website is impressive. Those Singaporeans look like they know what they're doing.

Mizuno Wave Run, Padang Merbuk KL on 13 July. No info on this yet but since it's organized by Pacesetters, I have my confidence in them :D But if marathon... err I'll pass! lol

Adidas King of the Road 21km, Sunway Pyramid on 3 Aug. This was held last year also. Will try that.

The calendar was up to Aug only, so that's the plan for now. I know the Singapore Marathon is in Dec. Maybe by then I'll be fit enough to run a full marathon! I shall sleep on that and dream for a bit. It's one run a month from April 2008. If that doesn't keep the excess weight off, nothing will!

Is this my New Year resolution? I have tried setting new year resolutions in the past and I usually forget what resolutions I made before the end of January. I will not call this my resolutions but challenges I have given myself.

Signboards

2007-10-08T22:03:00.000+08:00

Being stuck in traffic has its advantages. One gets to see what is around us like these signboards for instance:

Must be some kind of celebration going on. Jom kita pergi!

I have often passed by signs like this advertising products to enhance performance in men. Are Malaysian men facing erectile dysfunction? Why are there so many products to "help" them? I'm blanked out the number, so if anyone wants to get the number, please drive up to Taman Megah near the LDP.

Team Hoyt

2007-09-16T22:36:00.000+08:00

I've seen this father and son team on Oprah and now a friend of mine sent me this video. If this isn't unconditional love, I don't know what is.

Fun at the fair!

2007-08-26T23:33:00.000+08:00

We had a fun Saturday at the BU Merdeka Fun Fair which was held at Central Park, opposite 1 Utama. Working on cakes, cupcakes and muffins day and night was worth it. Thanks, Emily, for helping me to bake. Thanks, Lia, for organising the booth space and sharing the booth with me. Some of Don's comic buddies (as in graphic novels, not comedy) were there to sign the comics they produced. People who bought those comics, keep the autograph ones well. These guys are going to be famous!

We all had fun as you can see from the photos. Thanks, Ben, for taking the photos!

Mama Min at the Merdeka Community Fun Fair

2007-08-22T20:28:00.001+08:00

Bigger view here

Come over to the Merdeka Community Fun Fair in Central Park (opposite One Utama) this Saturday! Mama Min will be there with her 3D cakes.

When: Saturday, 25 August 2007
Where: Central Park (opposite One Utama)
Time: 10.30am - 6.00pm

Ckick on flyer and NST article for more details.

Laura's assignment in school

2007-08-02T19:32:00.000+08:00

After highlighting the tough time that primary school kids are facing, I should highlight something positive. Laura, who is in Std 1, has an assignment she is to complete with parents. I am all for parent assisted assignments as I believe parents will be more involved with what their children are up to in school and vice versa.

The whole assignment was listed out in Mandarin. Thank goodness for PenPower Jr, this banana was able to understand what the assignment was about.

In this assignment, Laura is to bring a photo of each family member or to draw a picture of the family. Then she is to write a short essay on the hobby of each family member. Third task is to write a short essay of the activity that the whole family likes to do together. Each student will present his/her assignment to the whole class.

What I love about this assignment? That the parents are encouraged to get involved. The child gets to know each member of the family better and the language is used to communicate. Of course, there is also the chance for the child to experience public speaking. I am going to write to Laura's teacher to commend her on giving assignments like this. I am looking forward to more!

Accountability and maintenance

2007-07-25T22:29:00.000+08:00

I am so fed up of the lack of maintenance in everything I encounter. Taxis that smell bad and rattle, buses that are peeling at corners and the hand rail inside being held up with wires. This is an experience I had at the public toilet in KLCC. This is KLCC, the pride of the nation, once-upon-a-time tallest building in the world.

It rained that afternoon so all hopes of going to the park with my kids were dashed. I am trying hard to prevent my kids from growing up to be mall rats. Not much choice seeing that the parks aren't well maintained. Also, the weather wasn't on our side. Since I'd promised my children I would take them out, the closest would be the KLCC for us.

My son needed to use the toilet. When we went into the toilet, there was a queue. Actually, there were several queues. This is what I don't understand how it works. I've always thought that whoever who needed to use the toilet which is full will form ONE line. Then whichever cubicle opens, the first in line goes into that cubicle. Apparently not! The last person to go into the toilet finds the shortest queue in front of the stall and hope that your children don't need to pee that desperately 'coz the stall you chose may have someone who is constipated!

When we were waiting for our turn, a lady peeked out of her toilet door and PSST! her friend to bring some hand towels for her 'coz the toilet paper had run out. Most bizarre since the janitor was in the toilet the whole time we were there. Alright, give the janitor the benefit that the roll of paper had probably just finished before she checked. Now, if hand paper towel is flushed into the toilet, doesn't it cause the toilet to clog up?

Since there wasn't much to do when waiting in line, I looked around. The janitor was cleaning the stalls one by one as people were coming out. She used the mop to wipe down the toilet and the entire time I was there, she hadn't rinsed the mop once! Did I mention that this janitor moved as quickly as a glacier in winter? Then I looked behind me and saw a sign which says Mother and Child toilet. I asked the janitor if I could use that toilet. She mumbled something like, "Dah kunci" (it's locked) The lock and handle on the door looked like they've been shot! Puncture holes around the handle. Then the lady in the stall where we were waiting came out. I saw the roll of toilet paper was empty, so I told the kids in a loud voice (for the benefit of the janitor of course) to wait for another stall with toilet paper. So the janitor "quickly" went to the stall to do something about that. Now "quickly" for this janitor meant glacier moving in the spring. She used the sanitary napkin disposal unit to jam the door open, took out the set of keys she had with her (which probably had the key to open the mother and child toilet door), opened the toilet roll unit, took out the core from the old roll, sauntered to the make-shift janitor cubicle which was once upon a time another toilet stall, took out a roll of new toilet paper,... You get the picture. Fortunately, we all didn't need to pee that badly or we would have had an accident. I think I know why the kids have a change of clothes in their backpack now. For emergency moments like this!

We all used the toilet, washed our hands and got some paper towel from the dispenser to wipe our hands. All this time, the janitor hadn't washed her mop yet and she had already cleaned the whole toilet! As we were leaving, I saw a pile of paper towels on the floor in the toilet inside the janitor's cubicle. On top of the paper towels was a sanitary napkin disposal unit! EEWWWWWW!!!! Needless to say, we all washed and soap our hands again before leaving the toilet!

Amazing woman with no arm

2007-07-16T12:42:00.000+08:00

I'm sure this video has been circulating the world through emails, it's still good to share. This amazing woman can do so many things even though born without arms. What is stopping us who are able bodied to be all that we can be?

Children and education

2007-07-02T00:36:00.000+08:00

In March/April every year, I see splashed on the front page of the newspaper stories about outstanding students who have scored a string of As in the PMR and SPM. I was blinded by the number of As these students scored. When I was in school, scoring 10As in SPM was a big deal. Even then, my school mates and I have whispered amongst ourselves "How to study for 10 subjects ah?" Now, we have students who score up to 15 A1s! Why am I not jumping for joy for these people? Why am I not impressed?

What brought about thinking aloud about the state of education system? What I'm about to express is strictly from the point of view of a mother to a 7-year-old and a 4-year-old.

My daughter goes to a Chinese medium school in the city. It is a well-known school with a good reputation. Most days, I coach her on her homework. With Mandarin, I help her wherever I can as I have limited knowledge of Mandarin. With every subject, I encourage her to ask her teacher if she doesn't understand what is being taught. Laura seems to be coping well in school, getting A and stars for her homework done. However, when she couldn't do her Bahasa Melayu, I mean Bahasa Malaysia (can the Education Ministry please make up their mind??), I was shocked to discover she is VERY weak in BM, not being able to understand simple words and definitely not able to string a sentence without help. Doesn't help that the BM syllables for Std 1 is extremely difficult! They are already making sentences and using words like "pelawas". How many pupils in Std 1 know what "pelawas" is? Ironically, BM is a subject taught every day in school.

How does one learn languages? Laura is brilliant in English. She can read and understand story books, eg books by Enid Blyton (Blue Dragon categoery when I was a kid). Stories of elves, goblins and magical faraway lands which are written in simple English. Did she learn to read from school? Yes, she did. She learned phonics and very quickly was able to make out words and soon learned to read books and such. Why? Because she grew up speaking English. Laura is coping well with Mandarin, having learned a lot of words and able to make simple sentences in Mandarin. She speaks to her schoolmates in Mandarin, even though her first language is English. Why? Because everyone speaks Mandarin in school. So what is established here? Laura is strong in the two languages which she has heard being spoken and which she speaks. She has learned subconsciously the language structure and also what word means what. How is BM taught in school?

Every day, she brings back stacks of workbooks - Maths and Science in English, Maths and Science in Mandarin, English, BM, Mandarin. Some subjects have two workbooks. On top of that, she writes pages and pages of words. Eg of what's in her workbook, make a sentence from jumbled words:

buaya tajam Gigi sangat

She didn't know what buaya means. She also didn't know what tajam means. How did she know how to do her homework? In class, her teacher gets them to pull out their workbook. This is the same workbook she'll be facing at home. The teacher asks them to read out the words, which presumably everyone can. Then asks if anyone knows how to make the sentence. The students who know raise their hand, those who don't keep quiet. Student who gets picked makes the correct sentence. So the teacher writes down numbers on top of the words. Gigi = 1, buaya = 2, sangat = 3, tajam = 4. Viola, even weak students know their homework now. Alright, everyone knows how to do their homework. Nobody said anything about them UNDERSTANDING what they're doing.

This applies not just to BM but also English. So with this method of teaching children, the obsession with workbooks, the students just aren't learning anything at all! What happens to families who do not use the languages regularly? The same applies to non-English speaking students who studies in the school. Do the teachers speak to the students in BM and English? Do the students hear stories in these languages so they know the flow of the language? Do the teachers encourage the children to interact in these languages so the children get to practise what they hear? Do the teachers make the lessons fun by playing games so that what is taught is memorable to little 7-year-olds? Obviously not!

What is the solution most parents choose when faced with kids who are weak in school? Send to tuition! So the poor kids spend hours in school, get home and have to face homework, rush to tuition and then deal with homework from tuition.

(school + homework) + (tuition + tuition homework) = exhaution, frustration and still not understand

Something is wrong with this equation...

Some people may argue with me that more students are scoring 10As and above then when I was in school. How many of these people actually understand what they learned? Did they go through years and years and years of past year exam papers to spot the questions that are coming out? Then muck and memorize what they need to score?

I can't help thinking that Einstein, Newton, Franklin, Curie will not have achieved anything if they had gone to school with this education system. In the first place, they wouldn't have had time to explore and experiment. Also, they wouldn't have had the time! And there isn't any space at home with postage stamp-sized land with 4 walls and a roof which we call houses here. But that's another post. Here's what could have happened:

Newton sits under an apple tree (or if you prefer a mangosteen tree). His mother comes out and shouts, "Isaac, come in here to finish your homework now! You have to get to your Science tuition at 3pm, then swimming at 4pm and art class at 5pm!"

or...

Benjamin Franklin takes out his kite (alright he was already a grown up by then but play along with me here) and he heads out the door. His father hears him and asks, "Ben, where do you think you're going?"

Franklin: "I'm going out to fly a kite"

Franklin Sr: "Fly kite? You finish your homework already ah? No need to go to Maths tuition meh? Is that thunder I hear?"

Franklin: "I've finished my homework and my Maths tuition changed to Sat morning already"

Franklin Sr: "Eh, I hear thunder lah. You better not go fly the kite lah. If it rains you'll fall sick and you will have to miss school. How to catch up?"

How vain are you?

2007-06-29T00:34:00.000+08:00

I took some time off while waiting for a cake to bake in the oven to read a friend's blog. Thought I'll take the vanity test for fun. Been some time since I've taken such quizzes and tests which are abundant in magazines. Well, here's what I scored.

You Are 35% Vain

Okay, so you're slightly vain from time to time, but you're not superficial at all.
You are realistic. You know that looks matter. You just try to make them matter less.

How Vain Are You?

It's true. I am vain. More so now that I'm approaching 40, knowing that my body needs all the help it can get. However, not so much that I will consider plastic surgery to stop time. I am happy with the way I look now and I have many examples of women who have aged well. I can't remember who said this, "In your 20's you're born with your looks you have. When in your 50's, you have the looks you deserve". I paraphrase but I think I got my point across.

As I age, I hope my face will reflect laugh lines, a kind and approachable face and my body stays agile enough for me to keep active.

Birthday Party

2007-06-10T18:49:00.000+08:00

Laura and Adam look forward to their birthday party every year. Since we moved here, their birthday parties have been held by the pool. Great venue as the children keep themselves occupied. That Laura and Adam have a fun uncle (my brother, Chun) who love playing with the kids in the pool definitely helps.

Laura requested for a toadstool cake with fairies. Fairies were made with little Polly Pockets attached with marshmallow wings. Adam wanted a dinosaur cake. Both of them helped with making the cake - Adam cracked the eggs, Laura sifted the flour mixture, Adam measured the milk and Laura squeezed the orange juice. Then they decide where they want to place the fairies and the dinosaurs just before the cakes are brought out.

Time flew by at the party. Everyone had fun by the pool. Some of our friends stayed and the party continued in our house. Laura even brought some of her friends into her room, switched off all the lights, flashed a torchlight about and put up some music. They had a party in a club like atmosphere! Now where did she learn that?

Thank you to all the friends and family who came to the party. Thank you so much for making Laura and Adam's birthdays special.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LAURA AND ADAM!

2007-06-08T18:07:00.001+08:00

Laura wanted to send a photo to Playhouse Disney Channel to be in their Birthday Book. Unfortunately, I just found out today that photos had to be posted to them two months before their birthday. So I thought I'll make a "birthday book" for them on this blog.

Laura Wei-Lyn Teoh turns 7 on 12 June. Laura was a name chosen by PT 'coz he liked the sound of the name. My first choice was Vanessa but I also liked Laura, so agreed to name our little girl that. The name chosen must pass the "Playground Test". What is that? Try the name out in a playground and if it can be heard loud and clear, it has passed the "Playground Test". A name which fails a playground test is my own name, Hui Min. Lyn is a name shared by all of PT's daughters. As Laura was born in the year of the dragon, she needed a Chinese name with certain radicals like gold, jade, whiteness, redness, man, fish and wine. Wei-Lyn has the necessary radicals and means "precious little one" and she is indeed very precious to us.

This is Laura when she celebrated her 2nd birthday. This was the start of several birthday traditions:

Homemade birthday cake. The cake for her 2nd birthday was baked by me but decorated by our friend, Junji, 'coz I didn't know how to decorate cakes then.

Candies on the cake so kids can pick off the candies to be eaten after the candles has been blown out.
Poolside parties. Kids have fun in the pool and keep themselves occupied for hours!

This is my Michelin man. No, not the big one, the little one in the float :D Photo of Adam Kian-Eng Teoh taken when he was 6 months old. Adam will be 4 years old on 16 June. Adam's name was chosen by committee. Both PT and I were cracking our heads thinking of a strong name when we found out I was expecting a boy. We wanted a name which cannot be abbreviated unlike Benjamin, Gregory or Jonathan. When the name Adam was suggested, it felt really right. Can you imagine Adam being called any other name? Eng is also a generation name in the Teoh family. Since he was born in the year of the goat, Adam's name will need radicals like grain and grass and to stay away from radicals like metal. Kian-Eng is Hokkien which means "building honour/glory".
My babies, how fast you have grown! From tiny little bubs who needed to be fed every two hours to independent children. I'm so glad you both still need cuddles from your Mama and Papa. I hope you will always come to us for cuddles. I love you so much, my Buhbees!

My first 5km run!

2007-05-20T10:20:00.000+08:00

About three weeks ago, I threw myself a personal challenge - to join the Kiwanis Fun Run which was going to be held with the Pacesetters New Balance 15km run.

I chose to join the fun run 'coz there won't be any pressure to run the entire 5km. The fun run idea is similar to the Terry Fox Run. Walking 5km is something I am sure I can manage without much difficulty, so my aim was to run the entire 5km.

I woke up bright and early, had some breakfast of cereal and mango and I was off to the venue. As I was approaching the venue, I could see the "serious" runners warming up and getting ready to do their 15km run. The run was to be flagged off at Padang Merbuk, and seeing there were lots of people walking from the Lake Garden, I felt safe enough to park there. It was still dark when I arrived at the venue. It was the first time Kiwanis organised the Fun Run, the Pacesetters marshal I approached wasn't sure of the registration place. To join the run, all one needed to do was to purchase a T-shirt. When I was there, there were only 3 T-shirts left and they were all XXL size! Runners needed to wear the T-shirt for running but how to wear XXL? Response for the fun run has been very good, which explained the shortage of T-shirts. Being the blur kaki I am, I didn't know the T-shirts could have been purchased earlier. The lady who was manning the Kiwanis tent was very helpful. She managed to get an L size T-shirt which fitted me better but still big lah. I had gone to the run by myself, so I was glad to see a couple of friends who had also joined the run.

I glanced over at the group of 15km runners. Toned, lean body in all sorts of running gear ready to start. There were runners from all over Malaysia and also from Singapore and Thailand. In Malaysia, one can never escape shopping. New Balance was there to promote and offer discounts to the runners. Nestle Finesse who was also a sponsor, had a tent to provide high fibre breakfast to runners. And I saw a couple of ladies stacking up containers after containers of nasi lemak and some other food, which I found out later was porridge. First thought that came to my mind "Run for 15km and come back to clog up the arteries with nasi lemak. Not very smart leh".

At 7am sharp, the 15km runners were flagged off on Jalan Parlimen. At 7.30am, the fun runners who came in all shapes and sizes and ages, were flagged off. Some had chosen to roller blade, there was one cyclist and most people treated the 5km fun run as a morning walk with their friends. As soon as the horn sounded, I ran or rather a fast jog. I wanted to run for as long as I can. I managed to run for about 1km before I thought I was going to hyperventilate, so I forced myself to take deeper breaths. Less than another km later, I half walked and half jogged for a bit. Then I noticed the 15km runners were passing by us fun runners. Sweat dripping down their shirt and shorts and outrunning the fun runners. There were several fun runners ahead of me and I was determined to finish in as little time as I can manage. I brought myself up to a jog again for as long as I can and walk again when I couldn't. I finally arrived at the finish line in 45 minutes! For someone who has lived 38 years of sedentary lifestyle, I'm pretty proud of myself.

I arrived about the same time as the first few 15km runners. That means they had finished the 15km race in just over an hour. Every runner was given food and drinks vouchers. First thing I did was head for the water tent. Some runners crossed the finish line and headed straight to the food tent. The choice was nasi lemak or porridge. There was also a tent with a mountain of bananas and also watermelon. How to eat straight after a run?

After the run, I felt I could have run more than what I did. Nevertheless, I'm still proud that I finished in 45 minutes. My next aim will be join the Terry Fox Run and run the entire way.

This is a photo of myself taken last December. I was sitting by the pool in my maternity swimsuit. My son was 3 1/2 years old when that photo was taken, so needless to say my self esteem was at an all time low.

So how did a reformed couch potato like me end up joining a 5km run? I am on a weight loss journey. No more wearing maternity swimsuits! I'm aiming to wear bikini and look good in them! My progress will be published every month in the Malaysian edition of Shape magazine which will be out in newsstands from end of May. Let's just say, I look very different now from the photo above.

A little humour

2007-04-30T23:39:00.000+08:00

I do wonder if this masseuse by Batu Feringghi beach in Penang gets a lot of business. I asked the beach boys who operates the water sports near there. Apparently not. Now, it doesn't take a genius to see why they don't get very much business.

I don't think Ali visits the beach often. And when he does, Ali may not be in the mood for massage.

Unbelievable!

2007-04-08T00:18:00.000+08:00

I was almost killed today - 5 fucking times! It has been most unbelieveable how many near misses I've had today. Most of the time when with my children in the car. Fortunately, I'm not someone who speeds. If I was, I wouldn't be here writing this post.

Early this morning, on the MRRII, without very much warning, the fast lane was blocked off for roadworks. I was in the fast lane, within the speed limit when suddenly I had to slow drastically down to cut into the middle lane. The fast lane was lined with cones and less 500m away, the fast lane was closed. Fucking hell!

Then when I was driving along Jalan Kuching, a small lorry swerved suddenly towards my car because a Metro bus had broken down and was parked across one lane. The lorry was inches away from my car! If I was someone who panicked easily, I would have swerved into the fast lane. Jalan Kuching was busy as usual, so imagine the carnage that would have caused.

Yes, I was driving a lot today, having to send the kids to gym and then took the kids out for a movie. On the MRRII towards Batu Caves, a blasted police car decides to slow down to almost a halt suddenly. I saw the car behind the police car jam his brakes and moved towards my lane so he will avoid hitting the police car. I had to jam my brakes too. Again, because I am a conscentious driver who has never believed in following cars in front closely, did not hit any car. And no car hit my back. I was hopping mad! How can a police car do something like that? It wasn't because the police wanted to stop someone. Didn't even use the indicator!

Then after the movie, I was driving home. I indicated a long way off 'coz I had exited from Jalan Damansara to join Jalan Tun Razak. I checked my rear view mirror and it was all clear. Just as I was going to join Jalan Tun Razak, a fucking driver in his 3-series BMW cuts in front of my on my right to turn left! TNMCH!! If he had crashed into my car then and killed all of us, I would have made sure I came back as a ghost to haunt the driver and his/her family.

And since I had to go out again in the evening, I was extra careful seeing that everyone seems to be driving like idiots dreaming they are F1 drivers or something. On MRRII near Bandar Sri Damansara, a satooopid cow who left her brain at home realised she had gone the wrong way, so she swerved in front of me from my right to change lane to go left. She had just missed hitting the sticks put up to prevent idiots like her from killing herself doing satooopid stunts like that.

AAAAARGGH!!

We have censors who have our best interest at heart by censoring love scenes, kissing scenes and women in skimpy clothes. Just in case watching all that will make us turn into promiscious sex maniacs. Well, thank you for being so considerate. So, does watching F1 races on TV and placing so much emphasis on the Grand Prix in Sepang make every driver a race car driver wannabe? Is that the reason behind the number of times I've almost been run over today, since it's the F1 weekend?

Child Abuse

2007-04-07T01:28:00.000+08:00

When we hear about child abuse, we see in our mind images of children with bruises and cuts. In my opinion, many parents abuse their children without realizing it. These are some examples:

1. Allowing babies and children to travel in the front passenger seat without a car seat. Most times, the child sits with the mother or maid (depends on who is driving). Goes across the board for people with Kancil to a Toyota to a Lexus! Unbelievable that people will spend up to a couple hundred thousand ringgit on their car but will not pay a couple of hundred ringgit for a car seat. Their child's life is worth less than a couple of hundred ringgit? So many times I've seen young children sitting in the front passenger seat, not only without a car seat but without the seat belt on! These people training their children to be human cannonball? Sadly, I know someone who lost her 3-year-old daughter in a car accident. She was in the front passenger seat with their helper. Mom wasn't driving fast either.

2. Children who stands up on the seat so they're sticking out of the sunroof, while the car is moving. This has got to be made a crime! Most of the children I've seen allowed to do so are in MPVs. These are vehicles which are already raised. In a moving vehicle, there is always the risk of hitting a low lying branch. Sure, it's fun for the kids if you want half a kid after the drive.

I found this video on YouTube when I searched for "importance of child seat". Imagine what will happen to your child if he wasn't restrained.

3. Children who gets everything they ask for. How cruel for parents to not let their children experience striving for something. Ever wondered why children seem to have a room full of toys and still complain they have nothing to play with? To deal with the guilt of not spending time with the kids, parents buy stuff for them. I am not totally free of guilt in this department. I have had to check myself many times not to reward with toys or treats when what my kids really wanted is time with me. I really do not want my kids to grow up thinking the world owe them a living, and that they should get everything they want. Well, if the parents want whiney, demanding, selfish children, then I guess giving them everything is alright.

4. Calling the child names like stupid or undermining the child's ability. One of my daughter's friends have parents who both work full time. Their helper/maid/nanny sends her and her siblings to and from school. Most times, the nanny will hang out in the school with the girl until she goes into class, watching her like she's made of glass. Yes, I do agree that the girl's wellbeing is her responsiblity and I do commend the nanny for keeping a close eye on her. However, I have heard, "Girl, don't climb so high. You know you are very clumsy, you will fall down." or "Girl, don't run so fast. You're clumsy lah." That makes me livid! See if anyone dares plant in my child's head that she's clumsy or stupid or careless. He/She will have quite a mom to deal with.

5. Over praising the child to the point of giving the child false confidence On the other end of the spectrum, there are parents who praise their children too much. Every little action is "Brilliant!", "You're so clever!" with loud thunderous applause. Alright, I'm all for positive reinforcement but again there is also the danger of building over-confidence. The American Idol is a good example of how over-praising our children will lead to over-confidence and much embarrassment. How many hopefuls we've seen and laughed at for being totally devoid of talent yet confident that the judges had made a mistake not to pick them.

When one sees a child with bruises and cuts, whom we suspect to be abused, we can report to the police or to organisations like PS, The Children. What about children who are emotionally abused, whose self-esteem is slowly eroded?

Ever wonder?

2007-03-30T23:09:00.000+08:00

Has anyone ever wondered how "clean" our city air is? I took these photos this morning on the MRRII.

Notice the film of grey hovering over the skyline. Clear blue skies above that.

The layer of polluted air is especially obvious in the mornings when the air is still cool. Towards the afternoon, the layer isn't visible anymore.

That's what we're breathing in every day. Jogging outdoors anyone?

Fun with my new SE

2007-03-30T22:40:00.000+08:00

Now I do not have excuse to miss any "Kodak moments". Today, when going through some old clothes, Adam claimed a t-shirt as his to be used as pyjamas. Then he went and took a cap from the cupboard, ran to his toy box and took out a pair of matching glasses. He put on the cap and glasses and proclaimed that he's now transformed into an old lady!

Adam and Laura look forward to Saturdays when they can go to their gym class.

For my birthday, I got a special treat of breakfast in bed. For lunch, we went to a Korean bbq restaurant in Ampang's very own "Little Korea". Fabulous food!

When the next time Ogawa looks for a spokesperson for their massage chair, they should consider Adam

Q1 2007

2007-03-22T02:48:00.000+08:00

The first three months of 2007 has been like a crazy roller coaster ride. The year started with me feeling lousy about myself, frustrated with carrying excessive weight which I've not had the discipline to shed. I was making everyone around me miserable because I was feeling miserable about myself. Then I received an opportunity of a lifetime. I was selected by a health and lifestyle magazine as their weight loss diary person. I have been working out three times a week with a personal trainer for the past couple of month, been very good following a low carb high fibre diet and is now rewarded with a more toned body. My progress will be charted and will be featured in the monthly magazine which will be launched later this year. I am definitely feeling healthier. Still some way to go to being a babe but getting there.

The first couple of months were a frenzy of celebration and feasting. Received good news from friends who gave birth to healthy babies. Better news is that they are breastfeeding their babies! I've also been busy with cakes the past couple of months. Truly blessed to be given the opportunity to make birthday celebrations and special occasions extra special.

A few days before my birthday, I receive news of my friend, Bobby's sudden passing. I could not pay my last respect to Bobby nor attend his funeral. He's been constantly on my mind the past few days. Perhaps it's because I didn't have a chance to say goodbye. Bobby's passing made me reflect on my own life and my loved ones. Life is so fragile and is to be celebrated. I am reminded not to take anything or anyone for granted.

My birthday celebration was extra special this year. I said a silent prayer of thanks for having my beautiful family and friends with me. Nothing is more beautiful than to wake up and find my daughter, Laura, sitting next to me patiently waiting for me to open my eyes so she could be the first to wish me Happy Birthday. Adam went with PT to prepare for me breakfast in bed! My family is the best birthday present ever.

Today, I receive shocking news that my friend's husband died in a horrific accident. They have three young children ranging in age from 3 to 10 years old. In just a split second, their lives have been turned topsy turvy. I am in shock over the news. I cannot begin to imagine what my friend must be going through. I feel so helpless. Somehow, words like "Please call me if you need anything" sound so shallow in circumstances like this. I sincerely do want to help but do not know where to begin.

Life.... the ultimate roller coaster ride.

Tribute to Bobby

2007-03-15T19:43:00.000+08:00

I've just received news that a friend from school has passed away suddenly. Bobby was only 39.

Bobby was in the Scouts and I was in the Girl Guides. The group of us spent a lot of time together with scouting activities. The Scouts and Guides used to work closely together in our activities, setting up the flying fox, abseiling, camps (even though the Guides were not allowed to stay the night in school). He was my dance partner in one of the performances we had in school for our school campfire. Bobby used to ride a BMX bicycle to school. Body popping and breakdancing was the rage. Bobby was one of the best! He was always ready to lend a helping hand to friends.

I have not kept in touch with Bobby for many years. The last time I saw him was almost 10 years ago. Goodbye, Bobby. I'm sorry we've not had a chance to meet again before you go.

I have chosen!

2007-03-08T08:50:00.000+08:00

After looking and checking and reading up on phones, I've made the decision to go for a Sony Ericsson phone. I checked out several dealers as well, to see if I should go to an authorized dealer or get an AP set. I chose the SE W810i, which looks good and has ALL the features I wanted and more! Great value for money. Got a good deal when I traded in my old phone, upgraded from 512k memory card to 1G and best of all.... managed to get a 12-month interest free instalment plan. Thanks to Maybank credit card.

Who gave me all these wonderful deals? If you're thinking of getting an SE phone, go and see Jimmy Lim at the Dynacommunications Sony Ericsson booth on the 2nd floor new wing of 1-Utama. Jimmy knows his job and provided excellent service.

Changing phone

2007-02-25T07:40:00.000+08:00

I'm thinking of changing my handphone. The one I have has served me well for two years. It has all the features I need in a phone. But again, there is always aspiration for something better. My phone is still in a good condition although recently showing signs of wear and tear. I recently cracked the screen (housing only) when I accidentally hit the screen with my ring. A good excuse to change the phone and so the search begins. I searched online for THE phone to get.

What I will like in a phone:

1. Keypad which is easy to use, especially for sms.

2. A good camera and video camera for that Kodak moment with my kids when I do not have my digital camera with me.

3. An inbuilt MP3 player so I can listen to music when I'm doing cardio exercises by myself in the gym. Going on the threadmill for 20 minutes is super boring! I would rather go for a walk outside. All that walking and not going anywhere *yawn*

and I have narrowed down my search:

Nokia 6288
Sony Eric sson W810i

The Sony Ericsson seems to have better camera features and also it's a Sony ma, so definitely better music features. However, I've been using Nokia phones recently and they are so user-friendly. Many years ago, I had an Ericsson phone which drove me bananas. Looking at the two, I'm partial to the SE which costs less and has more features. However, I am partial to the user-friendly features of Nokia phones.

So.... how ah? Nokia or Sony Ericsson???

Year of the Boar

2007-02-19T19:43:00.000+08:00

This is the 2nd day of The Year Of The Boar. If the rest of the year is anything like the eve and the first couple of days, I say bring it on!

What has become tradition in our family is our friends coming over for New Year's Eve reunion dinner. These are friends who are like family to us. Here are some of the dishes prepared for that day.

A special request by friends and family every year is TAU YEW BAK, which is braised pork belly in soy sauce. PT's eldest daughter called on New Year's Eve to make sure I'd saved some for her as in the previous two years, our guests had polished everything before their visit. This year, I doubled the portions and saved some especially for family visiting on the first day of New Year. That meant cooking 4kg of pork belly and shoulder!

Jew Hoo Char (jacima beans/sengkuang fried with shredded cuttlefish) is a dish which is special to me. Chinese New Year reunion dinner is not complete with this dish. A dish which symbolizes abundance as cuttlefish sounds like "always have" in Hokkien. I can eat this alone with lettuce and forego all the other dishes. This dish reminds me of CNY's of my childhood in Ipoh.

More auspicious sounding dishes were lotus root soup for longevity, "ho see fatt choy" (dried oysters with hair fungus) for all good things and prosperity, emperor chicken so we all live like emperors, "ha ha tai siew" (prawns) for lots of laughter throughout the year, "nien gao" (steamed sweet cake with grated coconut) for promotion and advancement in our career, stir-fried sweet peas for a sweet year ahead and of course "loe sang" for obvious reasons. I believe we have all the important things in life covered!

The reunion dinner ended about 5am, with most of our friends crashing at our place. By late morning, the party started again when we got up and our family joined us. My brothers and their family, PT's daughters and family and our friends who stayed over. It was a noisy house but I love it! Kids were playing, adults were chatting, lots of cooking and buzz in the house.

In the evening, I suddenly realised I've not heard Adam's voice for a while. I found him sprawled on the sofa, fast asleep!

After his power nap and a shower, he was playing again. Here's the biker chick and biker dude!

Today we visited PT's 80+ year old aunt and we visited my aunt too. Most times, holidays and family getting together are portrayed in a negative light in the movies. Dysfunctional family members fighting over dinner and not getting along. I am so happy that that doesn't apply to us as I love visiting family and I love having family and friends over.

I've not come to the best part yet. Even with all the excitement and being super busy, I have not missed a single day of gym! Yes, I've been going to the gym! More of that in another post in the near future!

Happy New Year!

2007-02-16T16:17:00.000+08:00

Here's wishing everyone a Happy Lunar New Year!

Sigh

2007-02-12T00:26:00.000+08:00

It is quite amazing - to me anyway - how my day can be spoiled by just a look by someone close to me. What has been a fabulous weekend of baking, decorating and parties and a euphoric high of appreciative comments can come crashing down just like that. In that split second...

On that note, I'm going to bed now. No worries as my optimistic self will emerge again after a good night sleep.

Growing up

2007-02-05T20:14:00.000+08:00

My little girl is growing up fast! Laura has just started Std 1 this year. Where has the little baby gone to? Today, she came back with a puncture on each arm. Enoculation in her school, follow up of BCG and I don't know what's the other one! She was very pleased to have shared that experience with the rest of her schoolmates.

I remember going through that when I was in Std 1. We all queued up to wait our turn with the nurse. Some girls cried. Most girls chatted until it was their turn. I remember feeling a little scared as I approached the nurse. A little pin prick which was more like an insect bite and it was over.

Sure we could have taken Laura to see her paediatrician to get that done but then she wouldn't have had that experience in school :D

In case of emergency

2007-02-04T02:18:00.000+08:00

Something happened today which got me thinking. At about 6.00pm this evening, the fire alarm in our condo block went off. The alarm going off isn't that unusual as the system is rather sensitive. This time, there was smell of smoke! PT and I stayed calm and thought we had better get out of our building. PT went out on the landing to see what the situation was. I made sure Adam stayed close to me while I went to get our important documents and some valuables. Then we calmly walked down the stairs to another block for safety. One of our neighbours had just got home. She rushed upstairs to get her younger daughter and helper down. The fire department was called and they took more than 10 minutes to arrive. There wasn't any fire. It turned out that one of the neighbours upstairs from us were burning newspaper which triggered off the alarm. This incident raised a few questions in me:

1. Why the FUCK was the guy burning newspaper in an apartment block? What was he thinking that dumbass! The BOMBA officers and some neighbours went to the guy's apartment to tell him off. Let's hope he won't do it again.

2. Are my important documents within easy access if we need to grab and run? Even though I have made sure our documents are kept in a safe place, I didn't manage to take all of our important documents. I had missed out my children's birth certificates! Now I make sure all important documents are together, within grabbing reach.

3. Will our helper know what to do if there was really an emergency? The fact that my neighbour's helper stayed indoors with her younger daughter made me realise we need a plan of action in emergencies. That is most important as both PT and I may not be home if and when there is an emergency.

4. How fast can the Bomba respond to a fire emergency? Took them almost 15 minutes to get to us. By which time, if there was a fire, a lot of units would have been burned.

After the incident, I went through with my helper what to do in an emergency. However, she needs to remember that the children's safety and her safety are the most important of all. Documentation and valuables can be replaced. Human life... NOT.

Becoming a skeptic

2007-01-19T01:38:00.000+08:00

I needed to get some contact lens solution today. I picked up an economy pack of a known brand which cost RM34+ for 480ml. Then I saw another pack of 320ml packed together with a 180ml pack of an unknown brand selling for RM15+. Both have the same claims - all-purpose, no rub formula and prevents protein build-up. But why is one double the price of the other? Then I find myself doing what an average Malaysian will do. Check where the products were manufactured. The RM34+ one was made in Guangzhou for a popular brand. The cheaper one is an unknown brand, made in Malaysia. My first thought was to go with the known brand, which I've used before. The housewife in me says to get the cheaper pack. The skeptic in me says to go for the tried and tested imported one.

After pondering for some time, I picked the Malaysian-made one. Deep inside me, I want to believe that Malaysian companies and Malaysians do make quality products. We have to stop thinking that imported products are better than locally made products. And Malaysians have to prove that by making quality products. I'm looking forward to using my contact lens solution!

Twilight Zone

2007-01-07T13:28:00.000+08:00

Something strange is happening to the appliances and equipment at my home. Usually, I will finish decorating a cake at night (after my children are in bed), then I will take photos of the cake before the customer comes to collect the cake. First my new camera went cuckoo on me a couple of weeks ago after having had it for less than a week. This morning, I just couldn't get my old camera to work! It won't even switch on. My customer had arrived to pick up the cake and was in a hurry! Thank goodness for the phone camera. Better to have grainy photos than no photo at all.

Next to upload photos onto my Mama Min site. Every photo uploaded was blank. What is happening? So I thought I'll use PhotoBucket to upload. I managed to get to the site but for the life of me, the photos would not load! Aaaargh!!

Then I wanted to make some juice. The moment the juicer was switched on, it sounded like a steam engine was trundling by! The juicer rattled so much, it looked like it was going to shake off the kitchen counter. It worked just fine yesterday.

What is happening??!

If you're wondering why there isn't any train on the cake, that's because the Thomas die-cast train was still in its packaging. My customer can place the cake wherever she sees fit.

Goodbye 2006...

2006-12-31T15:50:00.000+08:00

2006 has been an interesting year for me. On this last day of 2006, whilst busy preparing for a party at home with close friends and family, I'm feeling out of sorts and a little out of control. PMS doesn't help either. Very timely too as it gives me a time to reflect on 2006, my family and about myself. 2006 has overall been fabulous for me. I'm now able to exercise my creative self through cake making. I have two beautiful children and a husband who loves me. Yet, something seems to be lacking. What? I've been asking myself the past few weeks. I am angry about something. Feeling out of sorts about something. But what? Am I getting "all whined out"? Children whining 'coz they're bored. "Mama, ChiChi doesn't want to share with me!" "Mama, I got it first!" Well, kids, deal with it yourself! People around me whining about the state of the country and pointing out what should have happened or should be done. I'm whining to myself 'coz I've had to deal with bills, arranging for this and that, grocery shopping, etc? I'm tired of being the "bad guy" who says "Enough sweets", "Time for bed", "Eat more vegetable". Yes, I think I'm all whined out.

So, in 2007, I'm going to get "whiners" to stop telling me the problems but give me solutions instead. Show me more stuff that are going well and not always point out the negative. What can we do together? Inundate MPAJ with calls and letters to get them to do something about dying trees which are threatening to fall on a car? Highlight to the press? What? Give me solutions! If no solution, let's work something out together.

In 2007, I will like more "me" time alone at home. So I can enjoy my own home in peace and quiet. I love my children and really do appreciate having a helper at home but to bump into someone ALL the time *sigh*

I am looking forward to 2007 as I know it is going to be a year full of success and good tidings. It is going to be a fantabulous year for my family and me. Just less whining please, even from myself!

Introducing.... My Big Family!

2006-12-21T21:55:00.000+08:00

Photo of Big Family members, Dec 2006

From the 9 siblings featured in my previous post, the family has grown to what you can see in the above photo. It is almost the entire family, except for my cousin brother and family in California and a cousin sister in Cincinnati who couldn't come back for the family reunion. The youngest was my nephew who is 8 months old and the oldest was my Jee Kor (2nd aunt) who is 74 years old.

We had a blast at the reunion. I love watching twenty children playing together, albeit in different groups. We listened to my Jee Kor tell stories about her childhood, which of course involved my father. My father and his siblings grew up with some of their cousins (23 of them!) in Kampar. Jee Kor told about their experience during the Japanese Occupation, when they had to hide away from the Japanese.

I shall definitely write a more detailed post when I'm not such a scatterbrain, trying to get myself organised for Christmas!

Big Family Gathering

2006-12-13T01:25:00.000+08:00

My maternal grandmother, my father (back row, third from the left), his siblings and bros-in-law.
Photo taken in front of the family home in Jalan Leong Tian, Ipoh.

In 2 days, the Big Family will be getting together in Penang! There will be 5 of my father's surviving siblings, the next generation and their offsprings. Yes, it's going to be BIG, BUSY and LOUD! As one can see from the photo above, my father came from a big family of 9 children. In total, there will be 57 of us in Penang, ranging in age from 8 months to 74 years old! The total is excluding some cousins who are living overseas and are not able to come back to join the reunion. Three generations under one roof. It is becoming increasingly difficult to find a place to house the entire family under one roof. Some of my cousins' children are adults now, so in a few years we can expect to have a 4th generation joining in the reunion. I've mentioned the Leong Tian House in a Childhood Meme tag.

Penang is the place for lots of fabulous childhood memories for my cousins and I. We used to visit Penang every year end school holidays, stayed for one glorious week each time soaking in the sun and playing from early morning. We used to go to bed close to midnight as there was so much to do! We bugged the grown-ups to take us to the beach after breakfast; swimming in the sea, digging in the sand until way past lunch time. First one of our mothers would come to the seaside to call us in for lunch. Then another mother would try. Finally, one of the fathers would come call, which meant we were in serious trouble if we didn't get in RIGHT NOW!

Straight after lunch, we bugged the grown ups to take us to the beach again. The request usually followed with a reply, "Not so soon after a meal. You'll throw up". Five minutes later, "Can we go to the beach now?" We were on the beach again until almost sun down. Then, one mother come out to call, and another try...

We used to get fried in the sun! Did we use sunblock? Didn't hear of those until I was an adult! I remember using Nivea cream in a blue circular tin. That's why the smell of Nivea cream reminds me of my childhood. Sunburnt? No problem, use Hazeline Snow! Supposed to cool the burnt skin. Err... Given by adults, sapu saja lah.

We were out on the beach again after sunset! This time to watch the baby crabs crawl about on the sand. Sometimes, we equipped ourselves with a little pail to catch some. As kids, we didn't think what we were going to do with the baby crabs we caught. I remember one night, a couple of my cousins who were scouts started a fire on the beach with some twigs they found. We also picked up an empty sardine can which was flat. My cousin brother collected some sea water with the empty can, put a few baby crabs in the can with the sea water and proceeded to cook the baby crabs. The smell of the baby crabs cooking was heavenly!

During one of our night walks on the beach, one of my cousin brothers bent down to pick up a stick. The stick moved! It was a snake!!! I have never seen a group of people run so fast before. We were screaming on top of our lungs!

We also saw a turtle lay eggs on the beach behind our granduncle's house on Batu Ferringhi. The next day, one of cousin sisters who was about 4 years old then imitated the turtle on the beach.

This Big Family Gathering is extra special for my family, especially my cousins, brothers and I who spent many happy days in Penang. Our last year end holidays in Penang in was in 1980. It'll be 26 years since we've been there together. To say we're looking forward to the trip is an understatement.

Self esteem

2006-12-11T03:11:00.000+08:00

Recently I met someone I've not seen in quite a few years. We used to go clubbing together in a group when in our early 20's. This person has an uncanny ability to make me feel unsure of myself then and I was surprised to find out she still does. I'm finding it hard to describe. The way she doesn't really look at me when she talks and how what should be a compliment comes out as mocking. We never became buddies, merely acquaintance. Now I understand why.

I remember leaving her after some brief idle chat wondering why I feel the way I do whenever I meet her. Why do I feel so unsure of myself? Is it because she's superior to me? Why do I allow it? Maybe when I was in my early 20's and was less confident of myself, that would have been understandable. I'm in my late 30's, doing what I love and is good at it, I have a beautiful family and having the time of my life. So, nobody has the right to make me feel bad about myself. No reason to unless I allow it. Nope, not allowing that for sure!