Before kids

As I'm in my bed, trying to sleep, my mind began to wander. I started to think about my life before I had kids. That life wasn't that long ago but it seems like a different lifetime ago. I was someone who loved to sleep. I could sleep the whole day and still sleep at night. If I didn't get my 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, I was a grouch. I'm still a grouch when I'm sleepy but I can now survive on less sleep. I don't remember what it's like to sleep the whole night through anymore. I do find myself waking up to see if Laura or Adam has kicked off their blanket. Until recently, Adam still woke up at night to nurse.

I used to be able to wear anything I wanted without having to think if what I was wearing was suitable for nursing on demand. I could wear frilly underwear and not horrible nursing bras. Speaking of nursing bras, someone please explain to me. A woman who had recently given birth to a baby and is still carrying some weight gained during pregnancy. Her body used to be made up of perky breasts, firm tummy and a tight butt. After childbirth, she resembles Jello more than J Lo. With a newborn baby, there is very little time to take a shower, let alone pick out something nice to wear (pre-pregnancy clothes don't fit anyway) and put on some make-up. Her hormones are still out of whack and her self-esteem isn't at the optimum level. She is sleep depraved from taking care of a newborn and probably grumpy. Why are nursing bras so ugly then? Why aren't nursing bras made to look attractive so that there is some semblance of normalcy with postpartum women? This is the time when the bust are up two cup sizes. Vava voom! But I digress...

Before children was also the time when I needed to think only of packing for myself and PT. Go for short holiday at a moment notice. One bag for the both of us. Pack books or trashy gossip magazines to read while on holiday. Laze by the pool and read or just take a nap whilst listening to the lapping waves. No chance of that now. When the children were babies, we had to calculate how many diapers to bring, how many sets of clothes in case our baby dirtied herself, if we need to pack baby food, remember to pack baby shampoo, baby bath, sunblock, nappy rash cream, children paracetamol (just in case), baby toys (to keep her occupied in the car), baby stroller, etc, etc, etc. Fortunately, I breastfed the both of them so no need to deal with hot water bottle, formula, baby bottles, sterilizing container and tablet, washing up liquid and bottle brush. Have to try to relax while keeping an eye on the children, to make sure they're safe.

Before children, we started on our journey whenever we felt was right. Absolutely no hurry. We can choose to drive straight to our destination or make stops whenever we wanted to. When travelling with children, we need to plan the timing for the journey. Start too early and the children haven't had enough sleep so higher chances of them being cranky. Start journey too close to their lunch time, then we'll have think about stopping for lunch. How far is our destination? How many hours will it take to get there? Will I need to pack some snacks and water in case the children got hungry or thirsty? Do they need to make toilet stops? What time is our bus leaving? If we're arriving after the children's dinner time, need to think about packing their dinner.

Before children, we had a whole library of videos. We watched movies after movies in our TV room. We still have a video library. Only now, the library is made up of Barney videos, Richard Scarry's Busy Town videos, Mary Poppins, Sound of Music, Shrek, Cat In The Hat, The Wiggles, Tweenies. Grown-up movies are watched only when the children are in bed, if we're not too tired.

Before children, eating out meant having what we fancied. Now we have to think if the place we're going to will have food suitable for the children. Laura and Adam are quite good. They are not fussy with food and will eat whatever the grown ups eat, except spicy food. Adam does likes roti canai with curry dhal though. Even so, we still have to check ourselves if there is food for the children.

Before children, going to the public toilet meant just going to relieve oneself and wash hands after. With children, the steps to tak: Bring the child into the toilet stall, find a place to hang handbag and child's bag. Make sure the child relieves him/herself without wetting his/her pants then cringe when the child puts his/her hand the toilet wall and on whatever is in the toilet. Pull up the child's pants and instruct child to stand still while you take your turn. Tell child not to open toilet door. Bear embarrassing remarks from child, eg, "Mama, you are wearing pink knickers today!" or "Mama, why you wee wee so much?" (said on top of his/her voice of course). Tell child not to open toilet door again. Then help child put on backpack, grab own bag and head to the sink. Push tap to start water flowing, pick up child who is too short to reach the sink to wash hands, try to reach for handsoap without dropping child while trying to stop handbag from slipping down the shoulder, then try to push tap again to wash soap off the child's hands. Finally, dry hands. Phew!

Even with the big lifestyle changes, if I could turn back the clock I wouldn't change a minute of my life. I cannot imagine myself not having children. Laura and Adam bring so much joy in my life just being themselves. Laura does a perfect impersonation of Mater when he said, "Tractors are so dumb" which cracks me up. Adam's laughter is so infectious and he does love to laugh. I wouldn't trade anything for the cuddles I get from the both of them. I love being the "Best mama in the whole wide world" and "The most beautiful mama in the world". Only my children will tell me things like that! LOL I love how Laura thinks I know everything (if only she knew!). Adam also told me once that "Mama is the best fixer in the whole world" because I fixed up his train tracks for him. I may have been sleep depraved but nothing can match the times when I've held them in my arms or lay down side by side with my kids, nursing them and seeing their beautiful face. The look on their face when they're nursing. PRICELESS!