Empty Nest Syndrome

When my kids were smaller - baby and toddler age - there were times when I felt I needed some alone time.  That they were not independent enough and needed constant attention got to me a bit.  I remember my first holiday away from the family felt really good.  To be able to do what I wanted when I wanted was such a luxury.  Now my kids are older.  Not quite old enough to move out but old enough to keep themselves occupied, wash and change themselves and not quite needing so much attention anymore.  While it's good that they're learning to be independent, this I feel is the stage when everything can go horribly wrong when they hit teenage years.  It's so easy to take things for granted.  Time will pass and before we know it, the generation gap grows wider and wider.  Just a short time ago, mama and papa knew everything.  My son had even asked me once how is it I seem to know everything.  Now they know papa and mama don't have all the answers.  Soon, there will be a time when they think papa and mama don't know anything!

Not so long ago, my kids used to ask me to play with them.  Setting up the cake studio has taken a lot of time from them, or when we're together, I feel too tired to do much.  Or I'm trying to keep up with work at home.  Tonight, they've decided to follow my sis-in-law home for a sleepover so they can play with their cousins.  I'm really missing them now.  All alone at home and not quite knowing what to do with myself!  Horrors!

Lately, I've felt we haven't had much quality family time together.  There isn't anything other than watch movies at home together.  That is such a passive past time though.  I've offered to take kids to the park in the mornings but they're not really interested anymore.  Oh dear oh dear...  I really hope I won't be singing to myself "Slipping Through My Fingers" by Abba with a tinge of regret when my kids are all grown up.

Nowhere to turn to

My head feels like an overstuffed luggage bag.  Everything is ever needed is inside but because it's stuffed so full, I have trouble looking for things.  I have ideas, matters I need to attend to, cake ideas, biz ideas, tasks to be done, mixed emotions, errands to run.... everything is stuffed inside and nowhere to go.  I am not the most organized person which is unfortunate.  I do try very hard to be organized but...  Sometimes my head feels a blur and I feel I do not have anywhere to turn to.  Asking for advice just makes me more confused.  People almost never listen first before dishing out advice.  Sometimes I'm afraid to say something for fear of having my words thrown back at me.

I'm just rambling now...  Trying to put some words down so my mind is less cluttered.  Help...  I wish I can just create.  Leave me to create.  I want to play, to challenge my mind.  Sometimes I feel my life is spiralling out of control and it's scaring me...

Time to stop rambling and go to bed. 

Trouble sleeping

I've been having trouble sleeping lately.  I do feel tired but just can't seems to fall asleep or sleep soundly.  As soon as there is any idle time, my mind goes to overdrive thinking what lies ahead of the week, what orders there are and what needs to be done.  This is very different from a few years ago.  I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

This is one of those nights I have trouble sleeping.  At times like this, I blog in my head.  Tonight, I'd decided to get up and put this down.

Business has been going well.  I've been pretty busy but resenting time away from the family.  My children are growing up way too fast.  I can't help thinking they're growing up without me too.  I'm going through some kind of funk again.  Is it possible to go through mid-life crisis twice in a lifetime?  Within the time span of a few years?  Sometimes, I long for the days when Laura and Adam were babies.  If I can turn back time, I'll hold them and cuddle them more.  I will have them close to me all the time, wear them wherever I go.  If I can turn back time, I want to be able to be there with Adam's first foods and be more of an influence in his eating habits.  Abba's song "Slipping Through My Fingers" constantly plays in my head.  Fortunately, my children are still young and I have the opportunity to spend time with them.  Unfortunately, running a young business means a lot of time away from them.  I do not want to look back through this phase in my life with regrets.  It's so tough being a mama and running a biz.  *sigh*  Am I sacrificing their my time with them in the present for their future?  Sometimes I also feel disconnected from my family.  It is a very scary feeling.

Some time to spare...

We've just spent a lovely but tiring day with my brother and his family at Templer's Park.  Instead of going back to the place we stopped at the last time, we thought we'll hike up to the waterfall.  The last time I was at this waterfall was when I was 15 or 16, with the Girl Guides and Boy Scouts from my school.  We met up near school, took a Bas Mini (mini bus whose drivers drive like bats out of hell) into the city centre before changing bus to Templer's Park.  The trail going up to the waterfall was not familiar at all but once we were at the falls, memories from the trips come flooding back.

My kids and niece and nephew experienced leeches for the first time today.  When we used to hike up, I remember us preparing ourselves with leech socks and those who didn't have leech socks wore slippers so we can spot the leeches early, before they suck our blood.  Armed ourselves with salt and cigarettes.  I know about the salt but cigarettes.  The boys' reasoning quite dodgey lah.  We didn't encounter that many leeches and they seem to be smaller than what I remember.  We used what we had available to get rid of the leeches.  This is when the take-away packs of chili sauce from fast food outlets come in handy!  Those leeches fell off quickly!

The waterfall looks as good I remember.  Can't say the same about the surroundings though.  Upkeep of the place can certainly be improved.  Styrofoam plates, empty cans and loads of rubbish.  They were clustered around in one area, yes, but still unsightly.  I do wonder if anyone actually goes up there to clean the place.  We tried to be conscientious and brought down our rubbish to throw away.  As soon as the rubbish hit the garbage can, the monkeys were down to rummage through.

We hiked up 2.5km to the waterfall and 2.5km back down.  Kids were real troopers.  They didn't complain a single bit and thoroughly enjoyed themselves.  My feet are quite sore from walking on the stones on the river bed.  How I wish I had a pair of TEVA sandals then!  My Birkies are not made for rough terrains for sure.  Birkies are better than Crocs any day ok!

We're now back at home.  Kids are watching stupid tween/teen shows on Nickleodeon *roll eyes*.  I will never be able to understand the screaming and stupidity on the shows like iCarly and Big Time Rush.  All adults on these shows are idiots and stupidity seems to be in.  Ugh!

Time to get going for Harith Iskander and Douglas Lim show!  I love those guys but honestly, I'll love to stay home çoz I'm knackered...

Fun with family being back to nature

There's something uplifting about being close to nature. To be away from perfectly levelled surfaces to being surrounded by trees and playing in the stream.

Slave driver in the background...


Little beavers busy building a dam


Uh oh, mutiny?

My slipper broke on the hike down the hill. Made a mental note not to buy anymore RM10 slippers *sigh*

Where shall we go to next? =)

Happy 2011

I have lost count of the number of times I've blogged in my head. By the time I sit at my laptop, I've forgotten what I wanted to blog about. My memory has been like a sieve lately. It's terrible!

For some reason, on the first day of 2011, I have this strong urge to voice out my gratitude. To be thankful for all that I have received and to people whom I know and love.

I am thankful to have my family, for having a partner who has encouraged me to grow. He has encouraged me to reach for the stars and still keep my feet on the ground. I am thankful for the unconditional love my children shower on me, and the endless cuddles I get.

I am thankful for my brothers and lovely sisters-in-law. Our relationship has improved over the years and I love watching my nice, nephews and kids playing together.

I am thankful for extended family members whom I married into even though it means being a step-grandmother before turning 40 :)

I am thankful to have like-minded friends who are always encouraging each other in a competitive business.

I am thankful for having a hard-working assistant who is so eager to learn.

I am thankful for close friends who are like family.

I am thankful for having a personal trainer who believes in me and is continuing to train me.

I have everything a woman can ask for! What a fab way to start 2011!

Adam's 7th birthday

Today we celebrated Adam's 7th birthday with a pool party. This is the first time we have separated the birthdays celebration. Laura's was at Mama Min Studio where she got to decorate cupcakes with her friends. Adam's was with his friends (all boys). Lots of play and play and play!

Laura's 10th birthday

I first started blogging almost exactly 5 years ago. My little girl had just turned 5. A few days ago, Laura celebrated her 10th birthday! This time around, Laura wanted to celebrate her birthday at Mama Min Studio.