It's almost 3am and I'm still working...
I am trying to clear my work stuff so I can have more time to spend with Laura these last couple of weeks in her school holidays. In doing so, I seem to be neglecting my family. It is 3am and I am busy preparing cheque payment. Just so the performers and myself get paid before Christmas. I also need to prepare for a corporate show in Johor Bahru this Saturday.
Meanwhile, I need to be mindful of grocery supplies at home. Is there enough vegetable or milk? Do I need to go to the supermarket or the wet market soon? Just when I think I'm ahead of stuff, it's the time of the month for paying bills.
While I am trying to keep abreast of my work work and household stuff, my kids and the biggest baby also need attention. All through the school holidays, I've had very little time for Laura. My children have been spending most days watching "Bug's Life", "Alice in Wonderland", "Monsters Inc" and "Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs".
I am feeling overwhelmed and underpaid. Underpaid in $$ and also in hugs and cuddles. I miss having someone to chat with without the "conversation" turning into ways to help me improve myself or being led on a guilt trip about how I am not spending enough time with the children. We have been like two ship passing in the night. I'm out in the office or out with the kids in the day while he caught up on sleep. Then he was out for performances at night. By the time PT is home, I am using the quiet time at night to catch up with paper work or sorting out stuff that needs to be done the next day. One of us will be in front of the PC and the other staring at the TV. *sigh*
I feel swamped! I've not been able to get any time for myself. I've not had time to go get a haircut in months! My nails look like shit and I'm dying for a tai-tai day out. Where to find the time? Any spare time is allocated for the children. Even my daughter has shown me signs that I'm not managing my time properly. In role play, she picks up her toy handphone and says:
"Hello, I will see you shortly. I am going to drop my kids off at your place ok? Then I will come pick them up later."
Yes, I've been doing that. Drop the children off with our helper at a friend's house so the children can play together.
This Christmas, I'm sure my children and husband are not looking forward to expensive presents from me. They want TIME WITH ME!
Is it that I'm bad at time management or have I bitten off more than I can chew? I feel like I'm in a rut which I do not know how to get out from. HELP!